down in the dms

072.

maliah tate

"come here you beautiful baby." i whispered picking up baby k as i had just finished changing her diaper. she's getting so big it hurts to see her grow, don't get me wrong, i most definitely want her to flourish and become a successful and amazing women. i just don't want her to experience any pain or heartbreak. she's too pure.

it's been almost 6 months since the whole incident with nick and to be honest, i haven't really spoken to him, about him, or anything about the situation since then. ive kept everything bottled up because of the fact of wanting to be strong for kayla. it's getting to me though.

there's nights where i just want to ball up and cry but then she moves in her sleep and the thoughts just get pushed into the back of my head. i try to be strong for her. i haven't really gone out either. i just don't have the energy to deal with people, questions, the press especially. i have been trying to keep myself busy so i don't have to deal with my emotions.

nick has been trying and still is trying to get in contact with me any way possible that he can think of. new numbers, managers numbers, friends numbers, new instagram accounts, snapchats, letters through the mail, etc etc. you name it. i honestly don't know if i'm ready to talk to him just yet. i don't know what to do to be honest. i miss him and love him and we have a whole child together but it's just like was he not thinking of all of that when he decided to stick his dick into someone else, especially the one person who's been trying and trying to ruin us. well i mean, i guess you can say she succeeded that's forsure.

"mal, baby."

i was broken out of my thoughts to see my mom in the room with a look of concern on her face. i scrunched my eyebrows and walked over to her with the baby.

"baby, nick is here.."

my heart dropped, i wasn't expecting to hear those words come out of her mouth anytime soon. it was just me, my mom and kayla home. kyra had to go back home because of school starting back up.  i shook my head as tears started forming in my eyes. she grabbed kayla and gave me a kiss on my head.

"i know baby, i know. it's time though, you need to talk to him. he doesn't look so well, just talk to him and see how it goes. i'll be right behind you." she said as she gave me a little squeeze. i wiped the tears off of my face and nodded. the one thing i was not ready for.

i took a deep breath and walked out of the room and around the corner to the door. i approached the door and seen him. mom was right, he doesn't look good. it's looks like he hasn't ate and showered in days. he noticed my presence as his breath hitches looking up at me.

"maliah ba—"

"why nick?" i cut him off instantly asking. he looked at me and dropped to his knees and started sobbing. my heart broke seeing him like that but my heart was even more broken from the pain i had been through. "i was waiting for you to come back. i trusted you. i sat at home with your then 6 month old daughter telling myself you wouldn't ever do anything and that you'll come back to us. i had to find out through social media nick... like really? social media? out of all things in the world, social fucking media."

"i'm so sorry mal—" he started as his voiced cracked in between, "i never meant for any of that to happen. someone slipped something in my drinks and i was gone. i was so wasted and i know me saying this won't make anything better but i promise you with everything in me that it didn't mean anything and that i'm so so fucking sorry maliah. you and kayla mean the world to me, you guys are my world. i don't know what i'd do without you guys. i miss you so much.. i haven't been the same since you left or stopped speaking to me. i haven't made music, haven't spoken to anybody, ive kept myself constantly locked up and i don't even eat. i miss my daughter maliah, you can't keep her away from me."

"i will never be the type of women to keep your daughter away from you. it may have seemed like it but i was going through it nick and i'm sorry that you weren't able to see her during that time. you hurt me nick. so so bad. you should've known better the minute you seen her walk in nick. the minute she walked up to you. the minute she even arrived there." i said as my voice started cracking. not right now mal suck it up. "you don't know the pain i went through bro, that shit shattered my fucking heart. going to sleep at nights wondering what i did wrong for you to do that, asking myself why i wasn't good enough, why i couldn't satisfy you enough."

"i'm so sorr—"

"i know you are and i accept your apology." i cut him off responding. he stood up confused but happy as his eyes lit up. "but we can't be together anymore at least not right now. i can't trust you enough right now. you did it once who knows what you'll do again."

his face dropped once i said that. "maliah, you know i love you so much. you know you and kayla mean the absolute world to me. where's my baby? i'm so sorry, tell me what i have to do to fix everything... please."

"she's in the room with my mom, i'll go get her once we're finished. i don't know what to tell you nick, there is nothing you can do to make things better right now... you just have to respect my decision and give me time. i need time to heal. you can't just get over the fact of someone cheating on you. especially it being the love of your life, the one person you loved the most, the main one you wanted to nothing more then to create a huge family with and maybe even get married with. you can't just get over being cheated on so easily."

he looked so bad right now, so unhealthy and sick. my heart was hurting seeing him look like that but for once i had to put me and my child first for the first time. even if it was hurting me. i walked over to him and hugged him. he wrapped his arms around me tightly as if not wanting to ever let me go. i felt so comfortable and warm in his arms. i felt safe. i was gunna miss this. nick started crying into the crook of my neck as my heart just broke even more. the next thing you know we were both crying into eachothers arms.

"i love you so much. im so sorry for all the pain i put you through. you're the best mom kayla could ever ask for and i thank you for being the best mom to my kid. you deserve so much better then me like so much better maliah but i don't wanna see you with anybody else but me so i will be better for you. for my family. i can't lose you." nick said as he pulled away and held my face. i nodded and admired him. "just give me one chance to show you that i want nothing more then for this to work. i'll work on betting myself and bettering my mistakes."

"i love you too nick. i always will." i replied as i signaled for him to wait. i went to the room where my mom had kayla. she smiled at me as i smiled back grabbing baby k. i walked back to where nick and i were as his face lit up as he seen kayla, tears started forming out of his eyes. "continue to work on bettering yourself, as i get the time i need to heal from everything. we'll still see eachother everyday so that we can coparent well for her, then we'll see how things are and where things will go from here."

"my beautiful babygirl. she's grown so much and i wasn't here to witness it because of my mistakes but i understand what i did and i respect your decision. i love you both with everything in me maliah. i promise i will work on everything that i need too. i love you." nick said as i gave a small smile and hugged them both. this was what i definitely needed to start my healing process.

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happy new year lovelies! i decided to come back for the new year and stay forsure. ditds reached 214k yall thank you so much for still showing this book love even when ive been inactive. i do have plans for this book to end soon though, i just don't have any ideas on how so if y'all do please, comment here or message me xo

i hope 2021 treats you all well, be safe luvs