Microcosms

These days

These days all I hear anyone talk about is marriage. It's strange cause I always thought that's where i'd be too. I had my whole life planned out and by now I was supposed to at least have met the love of my life. Except, time doesn't really ever warp itself to work in our favor. I guess I could say I'm on track because I am in love, but what pushes me harshly off the track is the fact that nobody is in love with me. When I was younger I didn't count on love and relationship building being a hard thing to do, I thought it just happened. I also didn't count on the fact that I would become the kind of person that's not easy to love. My insecurities and anxieties make me the kind of person that needs constant reassurance in a way that often ends up pushing people to exhaustion. I never would've thought I wouldn't think I was enough, or maybe, that I am too much. The truth is that even besides that, I never thought about how someone's past could impact my present relationship with them. I guess when you're a kid nothing is impossible and getting married, having kids, is all a sure thing. These days, it has stopped being easy to even imagine. These days, the more I want something the farther away it gets from me. These days, I have the bad habit of crossing my fingers because I know that nothing is ever a promise.