this is goodbye.

13

I get it now.

I understand.

I know why I cut.

I get so anxious with life and school.

So, to drown those thoughts out, and to not have a panic attack then and there, I need pain.

Yeah, it hurts.

It's supposed to.

That's what I haven't realized until now.

I've been having all of these tests, that must be a factor in why there are jagged red lines on my wrist.

It helps me sleep at night. 

It gives me something else to worry about instead of school and life.

I can worry about people seeing them instead of my grades.

I can worry about the pain instead of tests.

I can worry about how to end it instead of how I'm going to survive later in life.

I can worry about being caught instead of how fucking depressed I am.

Pain is my escape.