Insanity

Complicated II

"W- What?"  I slowly shake my head, No.. No.. No!! I exited his car pushing him out of my way as he close it. We're standing in front of his Apartment Complex in the middle of the night. Now that's funny.

This ain't true! This is just a joke! Yeah! He's just kidding me. Damn! That was close! I almost believe him!

I smile trickily, "Yeah? That's lame Mark. So you drag me here to just joke around? You could h--"

"Damn Mica! Shut the stupid up!" I was startled. It was the first time I heard him scream, Mark has always been calm, collected and reasonable. What the fuck is happening?!

I started getting annoyed but deep inside I knew what's happening. Who wouldn't? Deep inside, I already predicted this. I-- I... I just can't accept it.

Looking straight at him, I draw a smile on my face.

"You're kidding right? That-- W..What you said earlier, It was a j- joke right?" I ask, still wearing my smile. He looks at me, eye glistening with unshed tears. Before slowly shaking his head no.

"No. I love you Mica, I've always been inlove with you, for 7 years."

I slowly back away, Not accepting what he said. No. I can't, I can't even process it! Damn it!

Shakily, I reach for him. Gripping his shirt as I pull him to face me, eye to eye.

"Take back what you said.. J- Just tell me it was a joke and I would believe you! That was a joke right?! Tell me you're just kidding!"

I practically yell until Mark pull me into his arms.

"I knew you'd react like this. But I wouldn't take it back anymore Mica, No. I couldn't take it back. I want to tell you that everyday, I love you Mica, I'm inlove with you."

He whispered just beside my ears, Hugging me tight and this time I can feel the wetness of my shirt, because of his tears. He's crying. Like a domino, I feel myself whimpering, preventing the tears that wanted to escape, while still shaking my head.

"You can't Mark. Y- You know you can't." My words muffled in his chest as I stuck myself into it. But he pulled his self a little, enough to look at me but not letting me go.

"Why not? Why can't I?" I can feel his eye searching for mine, But I can't.. I can't look at him. It's scary. Until he held my chin guiding me to face him and look into his gray orbs. I've always find Mark's eyes as a wonder, how it turned out into that color yet I never admit it's beauty.

But yeah, It's beautiful. So much beautiful. It makes me lost myself into him, Also, He stopped crying already tho his eyes reddened.

"Now tell me baby, Hmmm? Why can't I love you? Why?" His question makes me gulp. Damn that sweet husky tone and his intense eye! I can't seem to lie!

Forcing myself to close my eye, I answered.

"You know Why." I answered, until I feel his lips on mine. I quickly open my eyes only to see his face so close, his eyes closed as he slowly nibbled my bottom lips.

But that's the problem. As I close my eyes to let myself enjoy the kiss, I mentally cursed. Damn this!

I can't feel a single thing! Where's the butterfly?! The fluttering feeling?! The quickening pace of my heart?! Where?!?

See?! That's why I can't accept his feeling! Because I can't feel a single thing! I'm numb! Broken!

Forcefully pushing him I gasped for air.

"T- This never happened." Looking straight into his eye, I muttered.

"Forget this happened, this is just a mistake."

What I saw into his eyes makes my heart tug in pain, it surprised me but I erased it. Ignoring the pain he held the same as I ignore the fuzzy feeling inside my stomach. It was just the alcohol, yeah. The fuckin alcohol.

I quickly walk away, calling one of my cousin to fetch me. This is a nightmare. Damn!

•

Dang! Fuck it! Is it me or it's too hot in here?! Why the fuck is everyone so fuckin chirpy?!

Argh! I furrowed my brows watching as everyone around me here in living room is animatedly talking! Fuck! I feel so irritated right now!

"Hey Couz, Did the two of you fight again?"

I rolled my eyes as I watch Kuya Shawn sit next to me. He's a fuckin' wrong timing!

"Mind your own business Kuya." I gritted warning him, I swear I'm in no mood to fuckin talk! I would end up burning him! But he just chuckled, laughing at my irritated face.

"Listen here Alvarez, I know what happened Okay? He told me before he risk it so I'm completely aware."

Wha..

"YOU WHAT?!" Argh!

This is infuriating! So that's why the moment I step into our hangout they start asking if I'm fine! Gosh! So they all knew?! What the fuck?!

"Chill Mica, I know it's hard to accept at first but you have to unders--"

"Oh no, no, Shawn, You listen here." I interrupted as I took a deep breath, trying real hard to calm my burning ass. "We won't talk about this and you'll keep your nose to yourself, Do you understand?"

I gritted my teeth, seething in an uncontrollable anger.

So they all knew about it, about his feelings towards me and yet No one told me?! What the fuck?!

But you knew, you just can't accept it.

I groan loudly causing for all of them to look at my direction and my temper rising I shouted.

"What are you all looking for?! You ungrateful shits! If you all knew, then is it so hard to warn me about it! Argh! I'm so angry!"

I saw a few of them gulp, But quickly look away as my eyes meet theirs. Stupid shits! So now, they're not answering?!

Let's see.

"If no one can't answer me right now," I made eye contact with each of the present guy here. "You all knew what would happen, I swear! All hell breaks loose." I gritted all words out, silently controlling my anger.

Truth be told, i have a really severe anger issues. And I'm rarely angry but fuck!

Dealing with the incident last week and Mark's absence on my daily life is too much! Adding this situation right now, I can't help but to bursted!

"Le- Let's calm down Mica okay? Let's talk it out like adult do, Okay?"

"FUCK OFF! JEAN! JUST TELL ME THE FUCK YOU KNEW!"

He jump away, horrified with my response. I'm usually a very calm and collected person, I don't get mad, It's the first time, I actually did.

And i'm not about to stop.

"He- "

"JUST TELL ME THE FUCK!"

I interupted getting extremely impatient. Until Shawn had to step in, I let him since I don't know what I can possibly do with this idiots of my cousins right now.

Atleast Shawn, He can handle me.

"Guys. You have to leave, Stay at the pool area for the mean time." He gave them a quick nod and a reassuring smile.

Before the 7 of them leave, they gave me a understanding look making me calm a bit. Just a freakin bit.

"Okay Mica, take a deep breath, I won't talk to you until you calm down."

I glared at him but knowing Shawn, I knew I have to.

Taking a deep breath I tried to rationalize my thought. Damn. It's hard, but I manage somehow.

"I'm calm. Now tell me."