Play my heart

Chapter XXVIII

They don't speak for the rest of the week. By the end of it, Darren's taken up to spending most of the day practicing devilish violin pieces, mostly because he has nothing else to do. Caesar and Connor are busy working on Connor's late art comissions, Darren's not sure what Caesar has to do with that, but everyone's stopped asking at this point. He's not about to be a third wheel for the Dawn/Adryan combo, so he's stuck with himself. Not the best company, to be quite honest.

Well, Nini's there, at least. The one living creature that hasn't left him behind, and an adorable one at that. He spends a couple sleepless nights building a sort of "cat-station" for her, with comfy places for her to nap on and some others to scratch. A good investment of both money and time, he reckons once his phone has a hundred pictures of Nini wandering around the spots.

The first few days of the year are buried under heavy blankets of snow. Adryan wants to go skiing again, but Darren can't think about leaving the city just yet. It feels like he's waiting for something, and there's little doubt about what it is as his finger hovers over Lee Jung's contact for the millionth time. With a heavy sigh, he puts the phone away and gets up from the couch.

He scrambles to grab the device again when it buzzes with a call. His stomach drops to the floor in guilty disappointment upon recognizing Dawn's name on the screen.

"Hey."

"Hi!" her voice comes out cheery. "Could you come over? I'm at the park near the school, you know the one?"

"Uh... yeah. Why?"

"For a good cause."

She doesn't offer more explanations, and he stops asking after a moment. Grabbing a coat and a scarf, he takes the car for the trip, it's too cold to ride a motorcycle right now. Ten minutes later, he parks and finds Dawn sat on the swings, shivering.

"Can I borrow your phone?" is how she greets him. "Mine died and I should tell my mom I'll be back in around an hour."

He shrugs and hands her the phone, taking a seat in the swing next to hers. They fall silent as she types away, white puffs of air coming out with each of her breaths. He swings back and forth idly, still having no idea of why he's here.

"Thanks," Dawn says, giving back the phone. "Anyway, I asked you to come here because I wanted to talk. We haven't had a lot of time to do that lately, don't you think?"

"Guess not," he answers. "What's up?"

"Well. You probably don't know this, I doubt he told you, but. Before Adryan came back, a day or two after we recorded the video for him, Lee came to talk to me."

Darren blinks. What.

"He did that?" Instant dread prickles under his skin, and he looks at Dawn in search of displeasure or accusation.

To his surprise, Dawn giggles.

"He can be a bit intimidating, right? With no fear to speak his mind and say all the uncomfortable truths people don't want to hear." Yeah, that sounds like Lee Jung. Darren slumps his shoulders and shakes his head, an apology hanging from his lips. "Oh, no, don't worry. He wasn't mean or anything, just... very honest."

"About what?"

He's lost count of the times, and the people, that have given him this same look. It's lingering and borderline condescending, the look of someone who knows something the other person doesn't, though it's rather obvious.

"Nothing. It made me think, though, about- about us," her voice falters. Darren bites his tongue and waits for Dawn to continue. "You've always been there for me, isn't that right? First when Adryan started picking on me, then when we got together and I felt lost in his world, then when we broke up... it's probably thanks to you that we're even together again. You were there for me when I was mourning his absence, always cheering me up and taking care of me."

"You would do the same for me."

A bitter laugh cuts through the icy air.

"Yes, I would like to think so too. But I didn't, did I? When the occasion arose, it was never me who helped you. I was too busy with my own issues to even look at you properly."

"That's not..."

"It is," Dawn insists, eyes burning on Darren's. He looks away a second later, unable to handle their intensity. "You're too kind to let me think that about myself, but it's the truth, and I want to see it for what it is. Otherwise I will never become better."

Darren purses his lips, wringing his hands on his lap.

"Why are you saying all this?"

Dawn looks away with a wistful, sad smile.

"Both to apologize and to thank you. For everything."

"You don't have to do any of that."

"I'm doing it though. You see, thanks to someone I won't name, I realized how selfish I was being. I expected you to always put me first, even without knowing, and I thought you were the one being mean when you didn't. But- I never meant to harm you the way I did. I hope you know that."

He does. After the frustration Dawn caused him turned into ashes, once the smoke cleared, he could see that she had no ill intents.

"Yet, no matter the intentions, I did hurt you, repeatedly," Dawn meets his gaze again, regret pure and raw on her face. "I'm sorry."

"It's too late for that, you silly girl," he exhales, trying a smile. "I've forgiven you long ago."

She mirrors his gesture then. Her cheeks and her nose are red, and she burrows further into the warmth of her fluffy coat.

"I'm paraphrasing someone's words now, but I want to say it anyway," she starts. "You deserve someone who loves you, unapologetic and recklessly. Someone who makes your brain shut down and your skin itch and your stomach ache with longing. Someone who feels the exact same way for you."

He swallows, willing Lee's name out of his mind even as the washed out memory of lips on the corner of his mouth burns a hole through him. He's spent the last several days bringing a hand to the same spot when he's not paying attention.

Dawn's eyes widen as she seems to spot something in the distance, though Darren has no idea what it is. Still, she jumps to his feet and claps her hands, buzzing with excitement.

"So! I wanted to be for you the friend you are for me," she says. Her feet tip-tap on the ground, restless. "You're always giving me and Adryan the little push we need to get stuff done. It's time I did it for you."

She leans down to give Darren a kiss on the cheek, stunning him into silence. A silhouette is getting closer from behind her, but he can't see who it is. With no more explanation, Dawn waves at him and skips away. By the time he gets his speech back, she's too far to listen to him.