"heather" ~ conan gray [DISCONTINUED]

three.

warning: alcohol use/mention

i walk out the door of my house, and get in my car. i'd rather not walk there, i don't wanna run into anyone.
once i get there, i can already smell the alcohol. i prepare myself to be surrounded by drunk zombies, and possibly people who are 5x prettier than me even while extremely drunk. it's happened.
i walk in to find the person i love standing with heather. i didn't know she'd be here. it looks like they've both had a few drinks, but they aren't fully drunk yet. i walk over to at least try to talk to them, and not just sit in the corner.
"hello!" heather says, with a perfect sense of friendliness in her perfect voice. i sort-of smile at her and give a small wave, then turn to look at who i've been wishing liked me more. when i look over, i their eyes connect with mine for a split second before theirs move away, in an attempt
to cover up staring at me. am i that gross right now? i thought i looked okay.. oh well. i give it a few minutes then i leave their side, bored of being excluded from conversations. i kept glancing at them, while trying to focus on ignoring my urge to get drunk and forget everything. sadly, the urge was stronger than my self control, and i grabbed a few shots. i don't usually drink, so a few shots is a lot for me. after about 4, i start to feel fuzzy. i'm only half sober now. i force myself to stop taking the shots off the tray in the kitchen, and try to find someone to talk to. alcohol is what they call liquid courage, after all. my half drunk ass stumbles over to my love, and they aren't by heather anymore. i guess she went home, probably unnerved by the drunk people everywhere. they've had a few drinks too, but we're both sober enough to hold a conversation and think things through. partially. i think they're a little more sober than me. i start to subtly flirt with them, hoping they wouldn't be weirded out by it, and in the back of my head i'm hoping they start to like me more than heather.
i'm not sure exactly how we got here, but now we're on the roof of this big house talking about everything. i accidentally slip and start talking about how i'm in love with someone who could never love me more than this beautiful girl who walked by one evening. the shots must've gotten to me. they look me in the eyes and i realize they know i'm in love with them now. their eyes flick down to my lips and they lean in closer to me.

  oh god, oh god, oh god, is this actually happening, i've never kissed anyone, will i be good enough? fuck fuck fuck fu-

they closed off my thoughts by pressing their lips against mine. i'm not sure what to do, and they know i've never kissed anyone, so they take the lead. my confidence gets a little higher and i tangle my hands in their soft wavy blonde hair. this lasts a minute before they pull away, and i watch them slowly regain their balance. they said something along the lines of "i hope that showed you something", but i couldn't really tell what the last few words were. they got up and walked back into the house, while i just sat there. overwhelmed, i started to cry. the light tears turned into sobbing, as all these crazy thoughts ran through my mind.
"what if they don't like me at all, and they're just drunk?"
"what if they did like me, but i wasn't good enough?"
"what if they thought i was someone else?"
i continued to cry alone on the roof as the sun slowly rose, and i decided it was time to go home.

please dont hate me i know this was sad </3 i promise it'll get less sad a few chapters from now !

i love you.