How to Survive to 18

6 Days Prior

"Urghhh" My head hurts, it feel's hot. My senses slowly come back to me, the first of which is touch. I feel my surroundings with my body, soft, I feel a warm blanket on top of me, it's thin. I feel some kind of cloth on my body, like something an old women would wear, what are those called again? I can't remember, my mind is too mushy. Oh wait what's that feeling, it's located on my head and feels firm in place. My sense of smell is coming back now. I smell flowers, roses I believe. I also smell my mother's favorite perfume. My sense of hearing came back next, and now the perfume makes sense, my mom is here, wherever here is. 

"Honey? Honey! Doctor I think she's waking up. Oh honey what happened to you?" I hear her voice say. She sounds worried and mid sentence broke into tears, I feel her grab my hand.

"Mom?" I say as if that is the first time I've ever said those words.

I open my eyes, struck by the bright light of the room and I quickly shut them again. I try to open them again, slower, like that's going to help. I only manage to squint, but at least now I can confirm that my mom is the one holding my hand. She gasps and lets out one of those joyful smiles. My face is too weak to smile, but I want too. I try my best to focus on her, but not before long do I feel her body on top of mine and here arms wrapping my back, I feel her raise me up to a sitting position. Thats when I realize that I'm in the hospital, I suddenly become aware of the other person in the room, a doctor. He nods, smiles, and walks off while writing something on his paper sheet. 

I am completely comfortable with all the bright lights in the room now, and I notice my mom's dress. A dark blue dress, with a few roses here and there as a pattern, and that brings my attention to the roses on the table. It was nice of my mom to bring my favorite flower, same as my grandmother. 

"Nina." My mom starts out "I brought you something, I thought it may help you feel a little better." She reaches into her white purse and pulls out my silver pendant. She didn't just bring that I think to myself, but before I can show my disgust she grabs my hand and puts the pendant in. I haven't touched it in so long, I think the last time was when her and I got into an argument about it . She wanted me to wear it to prom, but I refused and  threw it out the window. She found it and put it on my nightstand later that night, oh gosh that was way back in 11th grade. 

"Mom! No! I don't want it." I shout as I wiggle my hand away from hers, effectively dropping the necklace on the floor. My mom hurries to pick it up and stands looking me dead in my eyes. My arms where soldier like, directly by my side, and my body entirely tense. She holds up the pendant in a fist over me, obviously angry that I dropped such an important thing to her on the floor. I cross my arms and look away, I don't want anything to do with that thing, all it does is remind me about pain. My mother drops her hand and falls back onto the end of my hospital bed, defeated. She cradles the pendant in her two palms and looks over at me,  puppy eyes glazed with tears. 

"Why not sweetie? Your father and I made this for you when your sister died and you loved to wear it before, why not now?"

"Because all it does is remind me of my sister." I sigh and lower my head "My twin sister"

"That's what its supposed to do Nina. When your sister died we didn't want you to grow up without even knowing you had a twin, so Robert and I made you this pendant with a picture of you and her holding hands in the NICU." 

"Yeah mom I know. But, do you not know how annoying it is to have you always tell me to wear a picture of me and my dead twin around my neck everywhere I go? Do you understand how painful it is to know that she died 3 hours after that picture was taken? Honestly I wish I never even had a twin, it's so unfair that she decided to die on me like that. I'm just so-"