TRU Life: Freshman Year (Lesbian)

(No) Love In This Club

I immediately took off in the other direction. I'd heard enough about Cam in one night. I went to a spot that was secluded— it was too dark for anybody to really pick me out of a crowd. As I found an empty booth, I sighed in relief. I was glad I chose this weekend to straighten my hair. If I hadn't I would have been spotted immediately. I was cool for like ten minutes, and right after I let Tracey know where I was, Kleo slid right on the other side of the booth. "How'd you find me?" I ask. "Lucky guess." she responds.
"Right. So, wassup?" I ask, trying not to sound as disinterested as I was. Clearly she wanted to talk about something, probably Cam.
"I know you saw me all over Lea."
"I did." I confirmed.
"I know you and Cam are close and you probably feel, like, obligated to let her know." I vigorously shook my head. "Why would I tell her some shit like that? This is your cross to bear." I say.
She giggles. "You remember when we were kids? I always made my problems your problems." I chuckled wryly. "And it feels like we're falling back into that routine."
"And I got the nerve to pull this shit again after like six years of disappearing off the face of the earth." she says. "Force of habit. Sorry." she says.
"Anyway, why  in the world would Cam care about you dealing with other people when you broke it off after the husband thing?" I ask. She giggled again, shaking her head at the same time. "I took her back like a week later. Reality is, she ain't ever gon' be done with me, and I ain't ever gon' be done with her. I feel like letting her go means flushing damn near two years down the drain. I love her, Gwen."
"...Yet you're at the club, with your mouth on someone else. I'm not judging, but it looks a little funny in the light." I admit.
"Just 'cause I screw other people doesn't mean I don't love Cam. It's just... she doesn't give me all that I need. I don't have to go without certain things when other people are offering it to me. That's stupid. So I go where I gotta go to get what I want. Then I go back."
"So why make a scene if you think she's doing the same thing?" I ask.
"'Cause it doesn't make any sense why she has to find anybody else to screw when I'm sitting right in front of her fucking face. I should be all she needs, but clearly she doesn't feel that way. It just feels like a slap to the face. I gave her so much of myself. It wouldn't even feel right to even attempt to do that with somebody else. I just like to be around people who value me, and sometimes we hook up. If she can have side pieces, so can I." she declares. "I don't understand why you just don't leave."
"It's like every time we threaten each other with leaving, the other one has a mental breakdown or something. I think we're each other's first real loves, y'know. It's like... as sick as we are of each other's bullshit, there's nothing that can make the love go away, ever. You can never break the bond between somebody and their first true love."
That really made me think. I didn't think what Neki said was the absolute truth, but I could think of a few people it seemed to be true for. It was true for my parents. It was true for Owen. It was true for Tiana. I was just unsure if it was true for me. I considered my first true love to be Tiana, but I didn't have a problem telling her to hit the road. I guess I had thought of reconciling a few times, but something always popped up in my mind to remind me why it didn't work out in the first place. If I could move past my first real relationship, why couldn't they?

Then I started to think about how true it may or may not be was for Cam. If it was, there's no way in hell she was gonna be any good for anybody she deals with, especially a girl who so clearly wants a relationship with her. I massaged the bridge of my nose, as I felt a headache coming on.

"Girl, you're making my head hurt. I'm taking my ass home. Um... you ain't gotta worry about me saying anything."
"What about that other one?" she asks, referring to Tracey.
"I can't guarantee anything, but if it's that serious to you, you'll get to Cam first. That's all I gotta say about it. I'll see you when I see you." I say, finally getting up and walking back over to Tracey, who was now alone. I could tell she was thinking about what she had seen earlier. "So, are you gonna tell Cam about what you saw?" I ask. She looks surprised. "What, you're not?"
"No."
"Wow." she replied.
"I'm not going anywhere near that shit." I admit. Knowing all that I knew, I felt that it was pointless to run that mess to her.
"I really think she needs to know. I think I'm gonna tell her." Tracey tells me.
"I understand." I respond, nodding. She really liked her and was looking for a way in, anyway. It was a stupid decision, but she would find that out on her own. I felt I owed it to her to warn her of the outcome of her decision, though. "I only have one piece of advice for you— and you need to take it seriously. Don't you go running your mouth about the whole Kleo thing unless you're ready for some bullshit."