I've never really been the type to socialize with other people, not that I don't want to.. because of course, I would love to, but I've dealt with shit that made me super quiet and unable to keep the conversation or open up to new people. my mom has always pestered me to go out and make friends but even thinking about doing that makes me become extremely anxious and go into a baby panic attack. I wish bad shit didn't happen... I really do.
I pushed that thought out of my head so I wouldn't freak out too much before my first day at a new school. me and my mom used to live in Florida but my dad was an abusive piece of shit so she saved up enough money to get away from him. we decided to move out of state. she always dreamed of living in new york, I was perfectly fine with anywhere as long as I get away from my dad.
I got out of my bed and walked to the restroom connected to my room and splashed my face with cold water. I dried my face off and looked at myself in the mirror examining the almost faded bruises on my collar bones, neck, and arms trying my hardest to hold the tears back. doing that made me have a flashback of him hurting my mom and felt a warm tear fall down onto my check and roll down my face. I hate him so much. I pushed the negative thoughts out of my head remembering that me and my mom are safe and far away where he would never find us. I finally felt free and happy.
once I got done feeling shitty about that I began doing my normal hygiene shit. I decided not to take a shower since I already took one the night before. once I was done with that I went to my closet trying to figure out what I wanted to wear for school. I dunno if I wanna dress up and be the center of attention, I'm already gonna get weird stares because of my piercings and tattoos also the fact that I'm new draws even more attention to me. ugh fuck it I'm gonna dress up. I decided to wear baggy black jeans with a rip under my asscheek, fishnets, a fitted red crop top with rips in different areas, black and white converse, and a mesh top that kinda covers my tattoos but not fully because people need to see them.
once I got done picking out a fit I began doing my hair. I grabbed my brush and went through my long black and red hair making sure there were no more knots that'll be in the way when I begin to style it. I decided to just wear it done and straighten my bangs to somewhat cover my forehead. once I got done with my hair I began to do my makeup. I grabbed my brow pencil and made strokes to give the illusion of me having brows. after doing the front section of my brows I started making the tails straight. then I did my big winged eyeliner and put on my lashes. to top it all off I wore black lipstick. after doing all of that I grabbed my phone and headphones going straight to Spotify and shuffled my favorite playlist to make me feel somewhat better about school. after turning on my music I went to Instagram to see if I had any new notifications. after checking that I went to the explore page to find something interesting to keep me occupied. after scrolling for a bit, someone caught my attention.
a dude with blue and green dreads that covered his face. I noticed he has some face tats which I thought was so hard. he was holding a big ass gun. I'm not sure what kind but it was big. I decided to start lurking and saw what I think is a snippet of a song. I scrolled some more and I swear I saw that dude somewhere else. after lurking for a bit I decided to just follow him.
when I was done being a creep I went downstairs to go see my mom before I left for school. the school wasn't far from my house so I just walked the short distance. once I started getting closer to the school it made me second guess even coming. I should just go home and tell my mom I'm sick. fuck I can't do that. when I was contemplating what I wanted to do I just walked into the school and went to the office to get my schedule and shit. the desk lady made me wait for a student to come to give me a tour of the school.
soon after she called a girl with pale skin, long black hair, and big icy blue eyes. we made eye contact and she immediately gave me a big welcoming smile. she began introducing herself " hi my name is Nani and I will be helping you around the school " and I said " hi I'm Xen " with a small smile. we began walking around the school. after the tour, she took me to my first class. as soon as I walked through the door people began to stare which made my face turn bright red. the teacher told me to introduce myself. instead of saying anything I just walked to the very back of the class because nobody needs to know much about me.
