Why not me? (Oisuga angst)

[2]

"we lost.."Oikawa says with a bitter sadness witch is rare for the people who only see his happy cheerful side. Oikawa looks across the net and he sees suga's heart filled smile hes proud karusano won... a warm pink blush appears on Oikawa's face and he quickly moves away from everyone and makes sure no one saw a not even a glimpse of that.Once they got in the bus Oikawa sees suga hug his team mates in joy "i guess i'm admiring from afar now"Oikawa whispers under his breath."hey who are you looking at shittykawa "says iwazumi in a slightly irritated voice Oikawa dosent look back at iwazumi covering his blush "i am not looking at anyone iwa-chan"Oikawa pouts "oh right you were looking at your own reflection" "Mean iwa-chan" although oikawa was proud of karusano but that was his final game he dissapointed his team mates his coach he tried so hard he wanted to bring his team to nationals but he failed. It was all his fault he could feel the eyes of others looking down at him. If only he had kageyamas natural  talent of spikeing and it wasn't long untill he gratuates and has to go to collage but all befour that he wants his to thank his teamates and iwazumi for staying by him and putting up with his bratty attitude. When they got back to the school he went to the gym where all of his teamates were "I just want to thank you all for this year"he couldn't hold back his tears and he just broke down hes going to miss them. they all gave each other a hug they were proud they at least tried..Once oikawa got home he opened his phone and opened suga in his contacts(he named suga as his star in his contacts )"hey suga-chan! i know iv'e hadn't texted you in a pretty long time but i'm really happy you won!" he then gets a notification from insta and it was a picture of karurano celebrating their victory but the only face he was paying attention on was suga and his light hazel and strawberry ligth lips "hes so pretty it hurts"  under his breath with a light soft chuckle following it "sadly hes not mine" he still wishes he was daichi getting to kiss sugas soft strawberry tainted  lips as he was getting off his volleyball sweater he feels something in his pocket and it was the note suga gave him he wanted to open it but he hessitated he was scared of what was in it. Oikawa slowly opened the letter it said "im sorry i cant like you back" it wasn't the end of the note but oikawa was alredy in tears he knows suga could never like him back "what does daichi have that i dont?" "oh yeah his pride isnt fake hes not cocky and im no comparrison to someone that will suga happiness..." he's happy as long as suga's happy but jealousy effected him a lot  sometimes he wishes daichi never existed he wishes daichi was dead  Why not me? as he stared ouside his window the only constellation he could see was suga.