They don't know about us(Larry oneshots)

Without you

Louis pov

I couldn't breathe and I felt myself gasping for air.I sat up,almost choking myself in the process.I tried to steady my breathing,inhaling from my nose and exhaling from my mouth just like I had been taught to.Just like HE had taught me to.But he wasn't here anymore.He wasn't here to laugh with me or cry with me or cuddle me.He's gone,forever and it's all my fault.And I know it's been half a year but I still had panic attacks every night and I still spent every waking moment dreaming and wishing he was still here.But he couldn't and he wasn't coming back...because he's dead.Irreversably dead.

With tears in my eyes I got up, knowing it was useless to even try and sleep anymore.It didn't matter now also.After all these months,I had become used to it.The lack of sleep,the way I looked like a homeless person.But the thing I would never get used to is his absence.I want him back,badly, immediately.

I softly padded to our kitchen,my kitchen now,to make a cup of tea.It never solved my problems,but it helped me calm my nerves.But the memories,the images,they flashed through my mind every night.Us laughing in the car.I was teasing him of being so careful,always abiding the speed limit.I always did this when we drove,so that time he gave in.For a few minutes it was bliss.Speeding in a car with Harry Styles,the love of my life,blaring loud music and laughing.It all felt so perfect.But of course, perfect doesn't last forever,does it?Because that wretched truck came out of nowhere.Just suddenly rammed into us.Harry tried whirling the steering wheel causing us to harshly fall on our right.But it was too late and BAAMMM we collided.The last thing I remember were the air bags blowing up in my face.That's it.I don't even remember his final moments.

I shook my head trying to get the thoughts out of my head.The lads had tried to convince me that it wasn't my fault,but they weren't there.I knew it was.I cut them off after that.I didn't mean to,I just can't stand people anymore.I can't stand my friends,everything reminds me of my hazza.My hazza who died because of me.

I stirred the tea and was trying to concentrate on the miniature whirlpool that had formed and I wasn't concentrating on where I was going when I stubbed my toe on something.It was the cabinet where we used to keep all out baking stuff.I never opened it,Harry always did.The kitchen was his kingdom.I don't think I've even had a proper meal since then.... Actually, I don't remember when I even ate last.

I took a deep breath and opened the little cabinet,and I gasped.In the middle of the cookie cutters and baking trays was a brown leather bound book.Harry's book.It was one thing he had always kept from me.I knew it was personal so I never pried,even though I was curious.One day when I asked him if he would ever show me what he wrote in it,he kissed the top of my head and said, "someday Lou,maybe someday."The day we went for our drive my fiancé had told me that he was ready.He was going to show me,just before our wedding which was supposed to be on the 28th of September.But that day had come and gone and there were no church bells ringing.There was just misery and sorry and me crying my heart out.

With shaking fingers I grasped the little diary.Slowly I opened it and the first page was a note,to me.

"Lou,if you're reading this it probably means I'm in the next room,and I'm really anxious for your reaction really,so please be nice to future me."
I finally broke down at that."No Hazza, you're not there,you would never know I read this,"I whispered.I carefully flipped to the next page, suddenly afraid.Tears clouded my vision as I saw it.It was me,a beautiful stenciled picture in pencil.It was me playing the piano.The next few pages were drawings of me.Sleeping, surfing,sitting...just random pictures of me.But the last page really got to me.There was a note first that broke my heart.

"So Lou and I got into a fight today, it's not that big but on one side I refuse to talk to him until he apologises but on the other my heart is cracking for every second he is mad at me."

'Sweet creature
Had another talk about where it's going wrong
But we're still young
We don't know where we're going
But we know where we belong
And oh we started
Two hearts in one home
It's hard when we argue
We're both stubborn
I know, but oh
Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home
Sweet creature
We're running through the garden
Oh, where nothing bothered us
But we're still young
I always think about you and how we don't speak enough
And oh we started
Two hearts in one home
I know, it's hard when we argue
We're both stubborn
I know, but oh
Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home
I know when we started
Just two hearts in one home
It gets harder when we argue
We're both stubborn
I know, but oh
Sweet creature, sweet creature
Wherever I go, you bring me home
Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road, you bring me home
You'll bring me home'

Oh god!Harry wrote that song for me!I remember that argument,it wasn't big.It was just that Harry said he was making white sauce pasta and then he made red sauce pasta.I was pretend mad at him,I didn't know it affected him that much.Shit now I hate myself.I flipped to the last page where there were the words written,
"I love you Boobear, you will always be in my heart,"
And he had signed it.Thats when I realised.I couldn't do this,not without my Hazza,and there was no way he could come back to me.So I knew, I had to go to him.

(A/N)

It's 28th guys!!!Can you believe it's been so long!?I miss my Larents💚💙
Look I don't know who needs to hear this,but don't give up hope,I almost did.But I'm still here.I always will be.

-D xx