The Boy Who Broke My Leg

Chapter 19

"What did you do" were the first words out of Kayla's mouth when I open the door to her and a giant Taco Bell bag the next day. I ignore her and grab greedily for the bag. She holds it away from me and deflects my swipe like a ninja. 

"No Doritos Locos Tacos for you till you've answered my question", she says firmly and I pout.

Mufasa materializes out of nowhere and sniffs at the bag curiously before deciding it's not worth his effort and returns back to my bed and his ongoing nap.

"How did you assume I did something?" I ask indigantly.

"Oh please", Kayla rolls her eyes as she unwraps her Crunchwrap Supreme. "I've known you for 4 years. You've replied in vague one word texts all week and don't lie and say this isn't about Alistair because I've texted him and he's acting the same way." She snatches a chip out of my hand. "Something happened on Thanksgiving that you're not telling me."

"Nice job, Sherlock Holmes." I sigh dramatically.

Kayla raises her eyebrows pointedly, waiting for my response.

"I went to his house on Thanksgiving. And we um, kissed. Cuz I tried to kiss him the day before that", I mutter.

Kayla squeals and throws down her burrito into a cup of sour cream without even noticing. "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME THIS? ALL THIS HAPPENED AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF TELLING ME?" She grabs my shoulders and shakes me with every word.

"You're getting sour cream on me", I mumble.

She stops shaking me. "Oh no. Nessa, what did you do?" 

"He asked me what I wanted to do, um, I guess if I wanted to...date him?" It comes out like a question.

"AND? WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Kayla practically screams at me, eyes widened to the size of saucers. 

"I ran away?"

Kayla slaps her forehead so hard it feels like the sound echoes off the walls. "What do you mean you ran away??"

"His mom called me downstairs to ask which leftovers I wanted. And I left after that." I gesture to the row of clean Tupperware next to the sink. "That isn't even half of it."

"Yes I was wondering about the abundance of food containers but that wasn't a question of priority", she replies as we both stare at the army.

"So what happened?" Kayla asks, much more sanely, picking up her sour cream suicided burrito to take a bite.

"I panicked", I confess. "What if I'm not capable of dating someone?"

"What do you mean capable?"

"I don't know. I used to only talk to you. And now it's you and him."

"Do you have a point?" Kayla rolls her eyes.

"I'm not good with people. What if I start to date him and screw something up and then I lose the friendship of one of my only two friends?" I try not to chew on my lip.

"Ah so this is the typical should I date my boy best friend and risk friendship scenario."

"Yes. No. I don't know. I've only kissed random guys and had half-assed crushes. None of them meant anything. And now this does. And I don't want to lose it." I unwrap a crunchy taco just so I have something to do.

Kay is quiet for a few seconds while she chews. "What do you think?"

The first bite of my taco is bland. "Wha?"

"What is your heart telling you, Vanessa."

I roll my eyes this time. "Your dramatic rom com lines aren't helping."

She glares back at me. "I'm serious." Her face softens. "There's a risk in every relationship that it could fall apart and your relationship with the person will change after. If you listen to that fear and do nothing, you're just going to question that decision all your life. It honestly comes down to one question. Do you want to be with him?"

I think about it. I think about the butterflies in my stomach when I'm around him and how much I smile and how right that kiss felt. And I think about the look on Alistair's face when I chickened out and ran out the door with a breezy goodbye. And my guilt over the unopened texts and missed calls I've ignored out of the fear of not knowing what to say. And how much I've missed him, even though it's only been slightly over 24 hours since I've seen him. 

"Yeh, I do." There's no hesitation in my voice, just firm resolve.

Kayla smiles as she tosses me my phone. "Looks like you made your own decision then."

I head to my room and take a deep breath before I call him.

"Vanessa? I've been trying to talk to you all day. Are you okay?" Alistair sounds more worried than angry, and it makes me feel worse. "I was going to come over there but I- I didn't know if you wanted to see me." My heart breaks.

"I'm fine. And I'm so so sorry. I was just, um, thinking about some stuff. And I understand if  you're pissed with me and don't want to ever talk to me again or-"

"No, no of course not", he cuts me off. There's a moment of silence. "What were you thinking about?" he asks hesitantly, almost like he doesn't want to know.

"I want to be with you", I blurt. "Like date. If you want to I mean. I don't know if you want to I just thought you might cuz of what you said yesterday and I freaked out cuz I'm chicken and stupid but I like you like really like you and I realized it's stupid the way I acted and that you're mad so can we please date if you aren't mad?"

I close my eyes and I think about moving to New Zealand and changing my name to a cool hippie one. Maybe a plant, like Fern or Willow. Fern is a cute name. Fern wouldn't blurt a rant to ask a guy out.

"Yes I want to be with you, Nessa", Alistair says, sounding like he's trying not to laugh. "I was going to say all that before you ran out of my room yesterday. In a slightly more eloquent manner, perhaps."

"So you're calling what I just said not eloquent?" I ask, when I recover from my shock.

"I'm sorry. My girlfriend has a way with words which my brain cells cannot comprehend . Better?"

"Yes better. Much better."

And we were together.