Ernie and the Officer

EPISODE 3:

*Ernie has crashed into Berts grandmothers, uncles, dogs, wifes, owners Grave* !*Crash*!
*Holly screams bloody murder for about 10 minutes longer than expected*
Ernie: Aww  s*Beep*t *he slammed his head on the Horn*
*Audry jumps in shock, and goes unconscious* Ernie: Ugh, come on, we are walking to that town over there
Holly: ARE YOU DRUNK! YOU FRICKIN IDIOT
Ernie: Im not your dad
Audry: YES I AM! (*YES YOU ARE)
Holly: We should go get our DNA tested
Ernie:Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ernie: We are on the run here
*Audry jumps out the car and runs to the nearest Walmart*
Ernie: HEY GET BACK!!!
Holly: She's not coming back you idiot
Ernie: Ugh, does she have a phone on her??? *Audry runs back with 3 DNA kits....*
Ernie: HOW DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY FOR THAT?!?!?!?!
Audry: Take this.. Hand Ernie a DNA test Ernie: IM NOT PRICKING MY ORANGE SKIN WITH A NEEDLE
Holly: She works for Walmart small brain Ernie: I DONT CARE
Ernie: IM NOT DOING IT?1?!?!?!
Audry: Fine then ... punches him so hard he goes unconscious

--at the coffee shop on ;) st.--Joe and his girlfriend ava were sitting at a table outside of the coffee shop
Joe: ava do you mind if I talk to you about something
Ava: sure, what is it sweetie
Joe: (inhales) why are you stupid?
Ava: WHAT!?! wdym you're the stupid one Joe: you mistook a dog for a rat...
Ava: no I didnt your imagining things
Ava: how terrible of you, I want to speak to your manager. We are BREAKING UP
*Ava suddenly stomps out of the restaurant angrily*

-- At Davids House --

David is sleeping
--in his dream--
Suddenly he awakes to realize that he is in some kind of fleshy cave, standing in front of the she devil that is known as 𝗮𝘃𝗮.
David: what th-
Suddenly she starts to grow large horns and very sharp teeth. Her eye go completely white Dave is now panicking
--end of dream--
David wakes up to see that it was all just a nightmare He then goes to get a raccoon to make him feel better
--At The Graveyard--
*Ernie wakes up to see that he was bleeding in his finger*
Ernie: DID YOU PRICK ME?!?!?!
Audry: Maybeeee
Audry: We will get our results next week, for now we are heading to this address in the nearest town
*Audry Hands him a piece of paper with an address*
Ernie: Ok then lets keep walking
🅘🅝 🅣🅗🅔 🅜🅔🅐🅝🅦🅗🅘🅛🅔 🅦🅘🅣🅗 🅙🅞🅔
As he is walking back to his house now single, he sees Dave's house and decides to go see him When he gets there, he sees dave sat alone outside on the front stairs He was not able to find a raccoon Joe walks up to david, worried for his friend who had looked sad They started talking, joking, and laughing for what had seemed like an eternity
Ernie: Ok the house should be right
*Ernie looks at the paper and then the houses* Audry: Yep looks about right
Ernie: Whos house is this anyways
*audry runs up too the door*
Audry: GRANDMAAAAAAAA
ernie opens the door to see their granddaughters
Ernie: Mom?
Granny: oh hello holly and audrey it's so great to see you again
Ernie: I havent talked to my mom in years........ How do you know who it is? and follow up question how do you know where she lives?
Audry: You will never knowWwWwWw
Ernie: The Fu-
Audry: NO SWEARING ON MY CHRISTIAN SERVERRRRR
Granny: yes you should really learn ernie
They say as they smack ernie over the head. Next thing you know some rando kid starts screaming and running down the neighborhood in there underwear with a dog chasing them....
Granny: hello jack Nice to see you today
Jack: HI GRANDMA!!!
*he said still screaming down the road*
Ernie: Are you everyones grandma?
Granny: what a nice boy :>
Granny: I'm considered the grandma of this neighborhood
Audry: No he's your sisters kid idiot
Granny: but overall everyone knows that I'm not a sweet little old lady I'm a badass non-binary!!!
Ernie: I have a sister?
*jack came running by when Ernie noticed he's got stitches on his chest*
Audry: Yes you do, she's quite nice
Ernie: *Then  runs over to Jack and asks* How did you get those stitches?
Jack: I'm trans....
Ernie: Oh, cool, I have a nephew. Now where do you live?
*Audry goes up and hugs him*
Jack: JuSt DoWn ThE RoAd!!!
*he says as the dog tackles him to the ground, smashing his nose in the concrete*
Ernie: Jack, Im uncle Ernie
*Audry goes to help get the dog off*
*the dog gets off and goes to sniff Hollys butt* Granny: do you kids want to come inside, I've made monster truck cookies!
*Jack runs inside as quick as a car*
Audry: Sure as long as I don't get kiddnapped again...
Ernie: *i guess I should get to know my nephew* Okie Im cominggg
Granny: again?
Audry: Yeah that's why I'm here, Ernie kiddnapped me...
Granny: ERNIE YOU IDOT, YOU KIDNAPPED YOUR OWN DAUGHTER
*smacks him on the head*
Ernie: SHES NOT MY DAUGHTER
Granny: YES SHE IS YOU IDIOT
Ernie: how long have you been trans?
Jack: uhhh my whole life
Ernie: Cool
Jack: I've always liked guy stuff
Granny: ever sense he was 4
Jack: You remember
Ernie: So.......... weird question but uhhhh what's your sexuality and pronouns
Granny: I've been living in this neighborhood longer than you
Granny: Also... your mother told me
Jack: I'm bi... I use he/him
Jack: Right I knew that
Ernie: Now take me to your moms house before I murder
Granny: ERNIEEEEEE
Granny: Don't murder
*END OF EPISODE 3*