bakutodo / todobaku [oneshots]

dear shouto, // angst

notes:
angst // character death // satisfying ending ( i hope )

—

"Be strong for me, Katsuki," Shouto said, his features soft.

"I— I can't!!" Katsuki shouted.

The tears brimmed in his eyes as he looked down at his lover, helpless, so so helpless, in the wheelchair, and he bit down hard on his quivering lip. It didn't help, his jaw continued to shake and his face crumpled, the tears making Shouto appear blurry before him.

"Katsuki..." Shouto murmured, lifting a hand to cup the blond's face and gently caress his cheek with his thumb. Katsuki leaned into his touch, shaking, stop fucking shaking, and he pressed kiss and after kiss to his lover's palm.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much and I can't see you go, Shouto! I can't imagine a life without you!" Katsuki cried, his voice echoing through the halls of the Swiss Euthanasia Centre that they were in, as a single tear slipped down. "I love you..."

Shouto smiled—he smiled that smile, the one that made Katsuki's heart stop, that made the blood rush to his cheeks, that made his breath catch in his lungs every single time—and Katsuki could only cry harder, a gushing waterfall of tears running down his face, his sobs racking his body as he tried to memorise this gorgeous picture before him.

The gentle, golden morning light streamed in through the windows, reflecting off of Shouto's red and white hair and making each strand shine like a thousand stars. The gentle glow highlighted the small mix of colour at the top of Shouto's head, where the red and white hair strands curled around each other like the arms of ballroom dancers that gracefully drape around one another's necks.

"You know I'm in pain, Katsuki," Shouto murmured.

Katsuki knew that, the wheelchair that Shouto was seated in was enough proof of the broken bones and torn ligaments from that terrible night that Katsuki tried so hard to forget. Against his will, the sound of a motorbike revving played in Katsuki's head. And then, crash, screams! Screaming, crying, crying, screaming— "Shouto!"

"Katsuki hel— Ow!!"

Katsuki shook his head violently to get rid of the sounds, and Shouto carefully stroked his face. Katsuki knew that other was in pain, he knew it, but he couldn't accept that he wasn't enough to help.

"I thought I was helping you with it!" Katsuki yelled in response. "Can't you live with the pain if I am here?! Please, Shouto... please," Katsuki's voice cracked as his resolve weakened.

"Katsuki," the man in question replied in a soft voice, "we've spoken about this. The pain in unbearable. But what is even more unbearable, is knowing that I am holding you back from living your life to the fullest. Everyday, you take care and look after me, like I'm a helpless child, and I hate it. This is not the life for you—"

"I don't care what I have to do as long as I'm with you!"

Shouto shook his head sadly whilst Katsuki sobbed and choked into his palm.

"You deserve a better life. Don't let me hold you back. Go out and be strong. Do everything you want to do, and do everything I want to do. Remember all those dreams we made together? When we were still in school?" Shouto asked calmly, despite the the tears swimming in his eyes, and Katsuki nodded. "We would sit on the roof at school, our relationship still a secret to the rest of the students, and we would talk and dream about our futures. I want you to make those dreams come true, Katsuki, because I know you can do it without me."

Katsuki nodded weakly, unable to form a proper sentence. As soon as the first tear rolled down Shouto's face, Katsuki knew there was only one way he could get his feelings across.