Oh how I miss late night conversations with the one I once loved.
As I lay her wide awake, fresh from my shower, I get a text from a past "crush" I once had in high school. I really liked him. We clicked. We relate to each other's awkward, sarcastic, dork-like humor. He's a great person, and incredibly handsome with a godly voice. I really liked him, but he had, still has actually, a girlfriend and I am not a home wrecker/ other woman. so I moved on.
Yet as I sit here and discuss last years bet and worse films with him, I can't help but miss flirting, or actually crush on someone. It's been a long time since I've had an infatuation, matter of fact he was the last one. But I miss it. I miss staying up late at night talking with the boys I liked through Facebook and discuss about the things that bothered and enlightened us. I miss secretly flirting with them. I miss seeing them in my dreams, blushing uncontrollably around them, and finding a way to get them to like me back. Because that's what we do when we talk to our crushes, we try to get them to like us as much as we like them. We'll act a certain way to try to show them that we are just like them. Possible soul mates even. We all do it. We just don't like to admit it.
I like to think that I have had three very important flirtations in my life. Knight, the first boy who I fell in love with but unknowingly broke my heart. Little Man, who never saw past as a friend. And Taken, someone who I could have been with me but is "taken". Each of these guys have taught me very important lessons. ones that I will never forget.
Knight taught me to keep my heart close to me but still give in a little. He opened my eyes and showed me the reality of love and that you will not always get a perfect fairy tale the first time of finding it. It could end badly, like a horror film. So that's why there are sequels. Little Man. I had the opportunity of dating Little Man for two days but ended it shortly because I was madly in love with Knight. After Knight left my world I saw Little Man a lot more than a friend and began to fall for him. I was in like with him. Since karma's a bitch and because I deserved it, he rejected me and couldn't see me anymore than a friend. Yet he never recognized me as one of the few friends that helped him through his tough times. It's always nice being appreciated isn't it? He did teach me to always be sure of the choices to make. Never second guess yourself and stick with the people that'll give you the appreciation you deserve.
Then came Taken a year later. We had so much in common that I almost felt like I found my soul mate. Almost. But because I am the expert of bad luck and bad things happening to me, he had to have a girlfriend. He taught me that I want alone in the world, and that I won't be. There are plenty of people like him and I will not settle for less.
Each of them has showed me a different side to the dating/love. They have showed me what I've been really looking for. What I really want. I couldn't have decided that without them so for that I thank them. and this isn't about me being bitter or anything. this is about a learning lesson from all the people who enter and leave my life.
I think no matter how hurt I was by each of these, I will always look back to them as the best I ever had. They were never boyfriends, and I never kissed them. But I got my imprint in them, and I know that from time to time they think of me like I do. I have nothing but admiration for each of them and I do hope they remain happy for the rest of their lives. I honestly do.
