Cursed Melody

Cursed Melody: Two Broken Souls

             “Slow down Michael” I remember saying, “Just please slow down” but he never slowed down, he was angry at me. My eyes adjusted from the light that illuminated everything around me, all I can see is my hand holding his lifeless body. I never wanted it to happen; no one ever wanted it to happen. I told myself that it was only a dream, a nightmare. My mind and heart were racing but as few moments were drawn, it made me realize that it wasn’t a dream or a nightmare. I tried to reach over him, to touch for the very last his chilling lips; I am on my knees and sat before him crying utterly. My tears fell down; this is more painful than the blood I saw within myself. This is much more painful than anything else.

            Here I am, in the place where it ended up; the place that slowly killed my sanctity, the only place where I wanted to undo everything. I couldn’t remember how he looks like anymore but I still felt the same way I feel before as long as I could remember. It has been 3 years since he bid goodbye, it has been 3 years of being alone. If only I never did such thing, he’ll never die, he died because of me and I felt guilty.

            I can feel it in my pocket, the last gift that Michael gave me before he died; it is as if it suddenly became 10 pounds. He gave me this ring, the ring that would supposedly witness our way of fulfilling our vows and promises. I cried once more before I could feel a warm feeling on my right arm from my back. It feels like I was enlivened, it made me feels like there is no place for emptiness anymore and that I must realize that I am not alone forever, that I must fight my way back, away from my agonies.

            As I turned myself around, I saw a man crying just like me. I feel him the way he feel me, we share the same emptiness and melancholy, yet with no reason he comforted me by looking at him despite of the growing grief on his face. I know, he knows, that we are in dire need of peace in ourselves.

            He wiped his tears on his face with his palm and finally signaled a smile. He then draws far away from me the moment he put his hand on his jeans’ pocket.

            I sat alone on the place where I could still remember the accident, for it has been 3 years, it was now full of grass, the long road lost its painted pedestrian lane. The grass grew tall on the cracks on the road making it vulnerable to the dews to cling after it rained. I looked up and the sun was saying goodbye, the orange sky indicated a new episode in my life, darker and no bliss.

            I did not notice that I was on my arm sleeping. I woke up on the other day, on the same place. I thought, all of the pain that I had will be forgotten if I freed myself. I cried. I look up the pouring rain and asked myself “Will there be a day of no crying for me?”

            Reminiscing the past. We met each other when I had nothing to ride back home after an overnight work. He offered me a ride and took me home; we later often bump each other on the shopping store a few blocks away from my home. He admitted that he meant shopping there because he wanted to see me.

            Michael Malcolm as I knew him was actually the manager of the accounting firm I am working for. When I knew about it, I tried to resist his subsequent show ups to avoid working issues. But as I kept on avoiding him, he got more stubborn that he finally caught my attention and got my approval for a date.

            As I slowly approach the place he told me where I should go, I found a red-velvet carpet, and orchestra, an aisle with balloons and petals and on the very end was a table with candles and roses on its top. I was so surprise, but not with what he told me that he wanted to be my boyfriend. I already thought of it on my way there, since I could always see how he seeks my attention and I pre-assumed because I do like him too.

            A long talk followed. As I never noticed the time I did not also felt his lips slowly touching mine, the orchestra played a romantic song as everything went as if a romantic movie. Everything on that night was very memorable.

            Years later, we became the sweetest couple as told by many. Now, that couple was of no existence anymore. The Michael Malcolm that I knew stubborn, the Michael that was so sweet, the Michael that I wanted to live with for the rest of my life was only a word on a fancy stone at a cemetery I knew nothing.

            It was so painful that I never had the chance to know where Michael’s body ended up. It is maybe because his mother wouldn’t want to tell me and try to talk to me when I want to. Even Isabella, my best friend would not respond to my calls and pokes. She only possesses a mixture of sadness and gleefulness. Isabella was so close to Michael, they were childhood best friends and I know that we equally share the same agony of why it has to be Michael.

            I have no one to talk to for almost a long time, even on my home. I understand all of them; I understand why Isabella doesn’t want to tell me Michael body’s whereabouts. I understand too why Michael’s mother would not tell me because she still blamed me of Michael’s fate, his mother went to his house before the accident where she fought with Michael with some reason I don’t know. It made Michael mad that he drive his car fast and ended up miserable.

            I had more happy moments with Michael but the least of the painful moments could still even out with my happiness.

            After a moment of silence, I saw him again; the man who cried the other day, the man who was now fully dressed in black carrying a flower and a candle. The strong wind and the pouring rain made his umbrella a folly, and the very moment went like only wet canaries were able to sing. I was here, staring at him from a far, from this huge shade beside the road.

            I heard him mourned; grieved over the same place I came to cry. His loud cry manifested uncertainties on my anatomy. I got this urge of going towards him, to fully understand my issue. As I found myself behind his back, I could never imagine how he put his self in silence, his silence made the crows’ cry more unbearable. He hugged himself as if he felt cold and clutched the two ends of his collar with cross arms; the last teardrops on his eyes fell with all the emotions. He closed his eye and said “If only I followed what you said, If only I know . . . you told me to slow down but I never did and now I lost you . . . Melody”.

            I saw my entity slightly glowing from the tips of my fingers until I was fully covered with it, it was then that moment that I realized that It was Michael that I am watching, it is Michael that was crying.

            “I’m so sorry Melody. It has been 3 years but it’s like it has just happened yesterday, I love you very much, I know that you were here; I know that you hear me. I love you” said Michael.  My heart feels like it is numb from swimming endlessly. The light that engulfed my body is slowly becoming hurtful in my sight.

             Finally, I saw a light, from above. It’s seems like someone is calling me; I got this force that carried me towards the light. The urge . . .  is uncontrollable.

            Meters away, I can still see Michael holding his anguish. I can now be in peace, now that I know that Michael is safe, it is in all of my prayers that he is alive, but still we couldn’t be together, because I am now taken to the light. That it was me who lost the call for survival.

            I understand now why no one would ever say a word to me. 

            I will always love Michael, he gave everything to me. I will wait for Michael here, I will sit here in the light, I will be waiting here, and if waiting is forever  . . . then I am ready for it.