As It Seems (Spencer Reid)

Chapter Ten

Rosalynn's Pov
My eyes ached but it couldn't have just been from crying alone, it had to have been because I wasn't sleeping either. I wasn't too sure why I felt guilty since part of it was my own fault that an innocent man was killed all because of my stupid job... A job that I had a love hate relationship, with this line of work, it's only fair that dating and marriage would take a toll on it flipping it upside down.

It was fairly up for debate when I was put on mandatory leave for emotional and mental distress and I didn't even fight it when Hotch ordered it out, I just wanted to pain to go away for a while.

My heavy eyes watching the screen almost like they were just blank lines instead of people on the screen keeping my blanket wrapped fully around my body, my body still ached from the long amounts of crying and I also just didn't want the team to see me this way especially Spencer, yet I knew he was frequency visiting outside my apartment along with Garcia.

A small exhausted yawn left me but I slowly stood up needing some coffee, carefully making my way into the kitchen.  I scooped up one of my favorite coffee mugs but I caught sight of the book that was suppose to mourn and help with the pain.

But it caused me to accidentally dropped the cup with a hard crash it shattered across the floor near my feet, luckily I jumped out the way cause it would have caused some injuries.

"Well damn Rose... This isn't one way to start your journey of healing..."  But I knew the team could solve cases. They still  had Reid and Garcia, and they also had Blake they each had their own talents that would help get them through each case.

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After a while the TV was just stressing my eyes more for a long week. So I sat near the front door reading a large book of short stories, I recalled Spencer getting it for me from his large collection of books, possibly one of the few books he had that was in English.

I had finally talked to the team today on the phone to help them with a rather odd case involving blood, but I kept my chat as limited as I could even when I could hear the relief  in some voices as they spoke to me.

It was 7:00 PM sharp when I heard a faint but firm knock across my front door. I held my breath hoping who ever it was would go.

"Hey Rose... It's me I know what you need right now is just... What you are doing right now but... I can't take no for an answer... I just need to know you aren't hurting on your own don't push me away please." I harshly nibbled at my bottom lip before I stood up setting the large book to the side.

I slowly clicked the door opened and pushed it opened watching his head snap up a bit, I winced at the very bright lights outside of my apartment, I let Spencer inside peeking around outside.

I cracked a faint smile there had to have been at least fifteen care packages I scooped up most of them slowly taking them inside setting them down, once I came back inside with the last one I looked at Spencer his calming scent of rain and coffee hit me all at once.

"Hey." I whispered gently walking passed him rubbing at the bridge of my nose. I know I was a hot mess I haven't been doing my hair routine lucky I still had my common sense to take a shower.

"Hey Rosie... How are you holding up?" He asked me in a gentle voice. I fluttered my eyes a few times thinking it over.

"Well I'm coping in a semi decent way, I'm not causing harm to myself or anything like that, just haven't been sleeping." I muttered Spencer was studying me like all profilers did.

"I dropped a cup earlier and I couldn't really clean it up." I chuckled sighing a little but I watched when he made his way over to me.

"Why can't you sleep?" He asked me gently I started to fidget with having to think about it every night.

"So.. Whenever I try to sleep I just see all the blood and the last thing he said to me." I felt my hands shaking, I failed to hide the tremor on my lips the stinging sensation coming back to me.

"Its all my fault Spencer." The cry tore through me before I could even stop it dropping my head down, I felt these warm arms lock and wrap around me squeezing me in a tight deep hug with Spencer's head resting on top of my own.

"It never was your fault Rosaynn we figured out the two ways that would have happened and murder-suicide was one of them but I think he loved you enough he wouldn't want you to blame his death all on your own.  There's only so much you can take but you don't have to take it on your own because I'm here and you know I'll never let you fall or be alone through this it's gonna be okay." His whispers were helping a little with the hiccup like sobs leaving me.