How to Raise an Assassin

CHAPTER 36: DON'T ASK WHAT'S IN THE STEW

Devin led me to the kitchen, where he handed me a paper with a recipe on it that read, "Locust Stew."

"Follow the instructions. This is the easy part of the stage."

That's all he said before leaving me in the kitchen by myself. The kitchen looked like one from the senior center I volunteered at. Metal surfaces, a chrome fridge that looked like it could store bear carcasses, a packaging conveyor belt, and a grill that was about as long as a Thanksgiving table spread.

I approached the counter where the massive empty pot for the stew rested. Besides the pot on the counter was a cutting board and a knife, and some exotic seasonings were laid out with everything branded as Locust "something." Mostly, that "something" was a single letter or two from the alphabet with the occasional word here and there. For example, there was a Locust S, which had flaky bits inside that looked almost like chopped dried onions. There was a small jar of Locust W that looked almost like apricot jam. There was also Locust B that looked like thyme or basil with a green-gray tinge.

After I gave up trying to figure out what these seasonings were, I looked down at the recipe and started to follow the instructions.

Step 1: Bring 3 cups of water to a boil.

That was easily accomplished. I moved onto step 2.

Step 2: Apply 2 tablespoons of Locust F to the boiling water.

I looked around the ingredients section and found Locust F. It looked like oil, probably canola or sunflower oil. Once that was done, I moved on to the next step.

Step 3: Remove diced Locust L from wrapping and add to the pot.

I couldn't find Locust L anywhere on the counter, so I imagined it was somewhere in the fridge. I opened up the fridge and found a butcher shop full of meats organized and prepared for cooking. I found a shelf with Locust L and pulled it out. It looked pasty gray and red. I'm guessing it was diced beef for the stew. I almost gagged touching it and smelling the odor from the fridge. I hated meat. It reminded me too much of my line of work. If Auntie hadn't forced me to eat that meatball sub when I first arrived here, I probably would've been going on three years without touching the stuff.

I cut open the wrapping and dumped the content into the pot. Then I looked at step four.

Step 4: Add the following seasonings to the pot: 1) One teaspoon of Locust W; 2) Three dashes of Locust S; 3) Two dashes of Locust B.

I followed the instructions and then moved onward. Step five called for me to head back to the fridge, which I dreaded.

Step 5: Remove tub of Locust Sauce from the fridge and apply to the boiling stew.

I was in and out of the fridge before the smell of death could hit me. I poured the red sauce into the pot that looked almost like dried Tomato Sauce.

Then step six told me to head back to the fridge and pull out a wrapped Locust H.

Step 6: Apply Locust H to the stew and stir.

Locust H were diced red chunks of meat that almost looked like muscular gizzards. After applying it to the stew, the recipe started to stop with the ridiculous nicknames.

Step 7: Chop half a cup of green peppers, onions, potatoes, and carrots. Apply to the boiling stew.

This part I enjoyed because it was actually normal.

Step 8: Add one teaspoon of salt, three dashes of granulated garlic, two dashes of sweet pepper, three dashes of Adobo, and stir the contents.