Above is the last photo taken of my family together. Even though my parents are divorced and my little sister is not my dad's biological daughter. Also was at the last Reds baseball game we attended together before my brother left for Bootcamp, which I can talk more about in a different part if you guys would like me too.
Not many people know about my past but very few do. When I was younger and in grade school I went through depression, self harm and had suicidal thoughts for about a year or two. I never went and talked to anybody and that was my choice. I got over it and moved on I stopped harming myself, found things to that made me happy and I had my grandma to go talk to at nights if I ever needed her. But going into high school things changed again once I hit junior year if not earlier. I became to get depressed again, started to self harm in my own way and had suicidal thoughts. That was when I knew I needed help and so I got it. I went to my mom and told her what was going on and that I wanted to see a therapist. My mom and grandma researched and made sure I got the best person for my needs. Once I started going to therapy I didn't tell anyone, there were only 3 people that knew at that time. As the months went by I started telling certain family members, but I never told them why I was going. In my senior year at Badin I went on my Kairos retreat and was put into a group with 5 other people and 2 leaders and was with them for 4 days. I honestly can't express how I felt after those 4 days, I had opened up to people that I knew and saw in the halls and they excepted me for me and my flaws. I went to therapy for 3 years and I was better. I didn't want to self harm anymore or have suicidal thoughts. And I knew if I started feeling depressed I knew how to help myself get out of it faster instead of drowning in it. I later learned that these things and more ran in my family, on my moms side. I never talked about any of this with my dad or his side of the family. I was never close with my dad and people knew that and I just never wanted him to be disappointed in me in some way for feelings and having these emotions. When I did tell my dad about me going to therapy and why, he said he would still love me no matter what. And then 2 1/2 to 3 years later I told him I was finally done with therapy he was happy and smiled. And then October 12, 2019 happened and I had gotten the news that my dad had passed away. I was later told that my dad had committed suicide. I never knew my dad had the same thoughts and feelings. I love my dad and I always will nothing will change that. I just wish that he was still here with me, my brother and my family.
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My goofy tattoo is to represent my dad and mom with both of there handwriting saying I love you.
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My ;n progress tattoo is for me to always remember my past and help me remember that I am always in progress to making my future greater.
