Vulgarities Galore // HxH Kinky!Reader Insert

🌸stealing is fun🌸

"Cooking? Shiken ni? That's like... my worst skill." You dropped your shoulders and set your bag behind your counter, leaving the area to find a pig. You followed closely behind a small group of people, stealing their wallets and what not as you jumped up into the trees to find a pig, When you found one, you jumped down at handed on its snout, wrapping your legs around its nose and cutting off its air supply, the animal falling to the ground. It wasn't dead, so you punched its forehead until it was.

Carrying the pig on your shoulder and looking up pork recipes on your phone, you found a good one for 20-minute ribs and decided to make them. After a while, your time was up and you finished what you were doing, waiting to be called up. As every participant failed, you became more nervous, bringing up your dish and wringing your hands as Menchi and Buhara dug in.

"Hmm... it's not bad, I guess. It's got flavour and it's cooked well. Ee, you pass." You smiled widely and pumped your fist in the air, going back to your station and waiting on everyone to finish. "ALL BUT ONE OF YOU FAIL!" The contestants complained and you frowned, feeling as though it was unfair to fail everyone. Suddenly, a loud whirring could be heard above the field, an airship landing and a strange old man coming out of it. He looked familiar to you but you couldn't tell why. After having a short conversation with Menchi that you couldn't hear, everyone boarded the air ship and were flown to Split Mountain.

"Ā, Spider Eagle eggs?"

"Correct, number 408. I will show you all how to retrieve an egg and you will do what I do. You will die if you don't follow my instructions." Menchi dived into the Spider Eagle web and hooked onto an egg, waiting a few seconds before dropping down with the wind carrying her back up. Before she could speak again however, three men decided to do exactly what she did, not realizing the wind drafts didn't always happen. You snickered a bit at their screams and said, "Kuso Baka~" You received a few looks but ignored them, dropping your backpack and stepping towards the edge of the cliff to squat down and look over the edge.

You stared down at the fog for a moment before standing up and doing a front flip into the cavern, a few others following after you. Author-Chan didn't want to explain the next part as they thought it was pretty boring, so they decided to skip ahead to when everyone had passed and was on the ship heading to phase three.

You listened to your footsteps echoing down the hall, the white walls blinding you with their deadly combination of fluorescent lights and bright white paint. You stopped suddenly, feeling someone approach you, but no one came around the corner. Whoever it was vanished - and because of that, you knew exactly who it was. The magician.

"Hisoka, stop fucking around, I know you're stalking me." The presence appeared again, the tall man seemingly appearing out of nowhere, leaning on the wall and shuffling a deck of cards. "Perceptive, I see~. (Y/N), there's something I'd like to show you."

"And you know my name how?"

"I have connections. Follow me~!" You narrowed your eyes and cautiously followed Hisoka as he pushed himself off the wall and his cards disappeared, the two of you disappearing into a large, dark room. You couldn't see the man, but you followed his presence, noting that the room wall full of tall objects and smelled rather old. Suddenly, you turned down a corner and stopped as Hisoka flicked open a lighter. You could see now that you were in a library. "Doesn't this place have lights?"

"It does, but this is more fun~!" The strange man took a book off of the shelf and flipped through the pages, slipping cards in between a few of them. He then closed the book and handed it to you for you to read the cover. The thing is, the cover was blank. The book was big and heavy, black and leather bound. "The fuck is this?"

"Something that will prove very useful in the near future. Now come, you wouldn't want to get lost~!" The man started walking away, you hesitating for a moment before shoving the book in your bag and running after him. Soon, the two of you were back in the hallway, sitting on a bench silently.

"Hisoka."

"Hm~?"

"I can feel your bloodlust. Why haven't you tried to kill me yet?" The man leaning his head back and put a finger to his chin, thinking for a moment before saying, "I'm not quite sure. Though, fighting you would be lovely~ and, well, we can't fight if you're dead~!"

"Why would YOU want to fight ME? I'm like... one of the weakest people here." Hisoka's eyes widened and he turned his gaze to you, saying, "Mōshiwakearimasen, mōichido osshatte itadakemasu ka?"

"I said I'm one of the weakest people here. Do you need your ears checked?" Hisoka laughed hysterically and a tick mark formed on your forehead. "WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY?!" The man calmed down and wiped a tear from his eye, turning back to you. "You aren't serious, are you? (Y/N), everyone here is afraid of you."

"Hah?! And why's that?!"

"Well one, what you did to Tonpa no ones had the guts to do yet, and two the sheer amount of aura you give off. In fact, you give off so much at a time, people think you're doing it on purpose~ even I don't have that much aura which means our fight will be... legendary~!" You arched an eyebrow and noticed Hisoka shift his legs, turning his hips away from you.

You laughed internally, figuring out that he was an agnophiliac and probably had a boner thinking about fighting. It was night now and you were tired, standing up and stretching. "Ne, I think I'm gonna head back to my room. We can talk more tomorrow." Hisoka smiled mischievously and said, "YOUR room could be OUR room~" you blushed and laughed loudly, saying, "In your dreams~ plus I'm seventeen-"

"-almost eighteen~ I'm twenty."

"Ā, well then, I'll get back to you on that offer in about three months~!" You ran off to your room, waving at the man and once again laughing internally as he shifted his legs. "Age gaps are fine, I'm just glad he's not like... 27 or some shit. Kukukukuku~ he is pretty hot though, not gonna lie~!"

You had reached your room and thrown your bag on the floor, stretching and flopping down on the comfy couch. "Kuso, now I'm hungry... oh well, I sleep better when I'm hungry." You flipped over on your side, facing away from the large windows, and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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