Emancipation

sixty

James's POV

Five times.

She has spoken to me five times since last three days. I have been counting it like my life depends upon it, helplessly hoping for that number to miraculously multiply by thousand every time she opens her mouth, but each time has been as disappointing as before.

My grip tightens around my phone as I receive another call from the office and resist the urge to throw it against the wall. She's been sleeping, a lot, and that's good, she needs the rest but a part of me knows that even when she's awake, she keeps her eyes closed just so she doesn't have to make an effort to talk, or do anything.

It feels like someone has taken our life and crumbled it in their bare hands without caring for the consequences. When my phone rings for the fourth time, she opens her eyes and looks at me, a message clear behind them and I bite on my tongue to hold myself together before I pick it up.

"What?" I snap, wondering what the hell must be so important that I have received so many calls since morning.

"Mr. Clark," I hear Eve's nervous voice on the other end, "Are you coming to the office today?"

"No."

"You've already missed yesterday's meeting with the new investment project and you have a board meeting today. Your father is furious wi–"

"I don't care, Eve. Handle it, and if you can't, don't. I don't care what you do, just let it be and stop calling me." I can't hold in my annoyance, moving to hang up as I hear her protests on the other end.

When I look at Lillian, she has closed her eyes again and I almost feel bad for reflecting my anger in front of her. I am angry, I am furious with life right now but mostly, I am really scared for her, for us.

The image of how I found her bottoms covered with blood crosses my mind and I suck in a breath, repeatedly trying to push it at the back of my head. I knew it the moment I saw her, there was no chance of saviour at that point but even if we couldn't save the baby, I have to save her before I lose her to her own thoughts.

My heart aches at the thought of the baby, of the chance at perfect life that we lost. Dr Lea made it clear that the hope for any future was gone too, but I wasn't giving up that easily. We need a second opinion, and I've fixed an appointment for tomorrow with the best gynaecologist in Atlanta. I haven't told Lillian yet, mostly because I've been afraid of her reaction.

The most she talked to me ever since we found out was before her medicines took over in the hospital and she fell asleep. All she did before that was cry and mumble a lot of things about the baby that she didn't share with me before. The thought of what we've lost makes the tears sting in my eyes but I push them back.

As much as it is killing me to see her this way, I have to put a brave front for her.

She hasn't told anyone, not even her parents so I have kept my mouth shut because I am not going to break the news to anyone unless she's comfortable with it. For the first time in my life, I haven't gone to work in three days and if my father really knows me well enough, he would be aware that something is majorly screwed up. But even if he doesn't, I don't fucking care.

Right now, all that matters to me is the woman I love, who is breaking inside and I can't leave her alone.

She's mad at me. I know she is; she was mad at me before she left the office that day and I have been regretting the words I said, having repeated them over and over again in my head. If I could take them back, I would, in a heartbeat but they are just out there.

I slip out of the bed, careful not to disturb her but even if she is disturbed, she barely reflects it on her face. My thoughts race in my head as I prepare breakfast for her, grateful for the past year to have learned how to make it. Once I'm done with the eggs and putting fruits on the plate, I settle it on a tray along with a glass of milk before taking it to the bedroom.