Finding Home

Homeless

Gripping her hips until my nuckles turn white, I stare at the wall in front of me as I found my release, sighing audibly. I pulled out and collapsed on the right side of the bed, not paying any mind to the girl as she laid down slowly and drew circles on my naked chest, delirious after our 'study session'. I rubbed her lower back absentmindedly   
as I stared at the ceiling, half covered by the duvet and half covered by my fuck buddy, sweat sliding down my neck and forehead, dampening the sheet below us as our panting calmed down.

I didn't even remember her name, but I'm sixty percent sure it's along the lines of Jessica, or was it Erica. Though it was all irrelevant as she was just another nameless face, soon to blend in with the rest and be forgotten when I find a new notch in my belt in less than a week. She was pretty, but nothing eye catching in my eyes. Same baby blue contacts and bleached blonde hair as half the girls in the school, same lip filler, fake boobs and fake ass as more than half of the girls in the school.

I guess I should be happy, proud of myself for apparently being a manwhore because you've got to do what you've got to do to become popular,to stay popular. The girls must want me, the guys must want to be me and they must all fear me. It's a eat or be eaten type of thing to stay at the top of the food chain.

Even if I don't like it, my lone opinion won't change anything, it will just get blocked out like any other unpopular opinions.

Believe it or not, I don't want to have to make some poor mathlete carry the weight of my homework when their already struggling with their own, like seriously, the amount of homework given to students in this school is appalling.

Anyway, I can do my own damn homework, I don't need the smart kids looking at me like I'm some dumbass. I get straight A's, I'm just as smart as any of those nerds, if not smarter.

As hard as it is to believe.

I'm so over Lionel High School and its stereotypical, hypocritical and cliche inhabitants, honestly. Like,seriously, Courtney, the only achievement you'll gain from sleeping with not only the basketball, but the football, swimming and track team is the World's loosest pussy awards.

So thotful.

I shifted onto my side, facing away from my most recent mistake and continued my seemingly endless train of thought.

Maybe if I just stop all these popularity
'requirements' they'll just ignore me. Maybe I can get real friends and not faceless leaches, sucking up to me for clout. Maybe, just maybe, I can take of this fucking mask, shatter this facade and be myself for awhile without anybody judging me.

Judging.

God, I hate that fucking word.

I get judged from the moment I wake up in the morning, prying teenage eyes judging my car, my clothes, my fling, I just can't catch a break. That doesn't mean home is any better. I can't even call it home, it's just a house that I sleep and eat in. I sleep and eat just as much in class so home isn't anything special.

My parents are always on business trips to Tokyo, Dubai, Hawaii, Taiwan, pretty much anywhere and everywhere. That doesn't bother me ,though, the fact that they don't even acknowledge my motherfucking existence is what angers me.

The times that they are home, they completely ignore me, the only interactions that we have is when their giving me money to try and make up for the fact that they're not going to be home for another two weeks. Seriously, if you weren't going to fucking see the kid why did you have him.

So did I become a bad boy because of my terrible upbringing? Well, yes but actually no. I became a bad boy because I was hoping that all the calls from the principal and detentions would get their attention. Even if it was to yell at me, at least they'd be actually speaking to me, not disregarding my existence as unimportant.

That shit fucking hurts.

It soon became clear that they were not going to give two flying fucks any time soon, but the whole bad boy thing had kind of grown on me, so that was me from there on.

I started paying attention to my surroundings in school and realized that my new bad boy look had drawn a lot of attention and I was now popular. Because that was the most attention I'd gotten in all my years of living, I bent and molded myself to be like every other socialite in the school.

That gained more popularity and before I knew it, I was trapped and when I realized it, there was nothing more that I wanted than to get out. I'd let my ego and need for other people's approval, the need for affection get the better of me.

So I became withdrawn, destroying my socialite look and feeding my bad boy image, but very soon I became popular for that very reason so I slowly got back into my socialite ways all while keeping my bad boy image.

With each passing day, week, month, I was growing more withdrawn. It wouldn't shock me if I was diagnosed with depression. I hate my fellow classmates, I hate school and I hate my parents.

I hate my life. I hate myself.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm tired of this whole living thing but I would never commit suicide.

I'd like to go to heaven, thank you very much.

At this point I'm just praying for a Prince Charming, for someone, anyone, to come save me.

Because suicide doesn't sound so bad anymore.

⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜⚜

Im not sure if ill continue this book.
Depends on u guys i guess.

ŁŁŁ.