Mental Breakdown Notes

one more night.

Have you ever had like, a night where you couldn't sleep?
But not because of stress or something... More like random thoughts are overflowing your brain and you find yourself engaged in the negative ones, but you spend more time in scenarios which you would rather forget or change?
Maybe regret is consuming you in that moment of sadness and you realise you've started tearing up.
Trying to calm yourself you end up making things worse, starting to think of the bright side of life and realising everything might be just a facade, a lie, made up to keep yourself from breaking apart..
The realisation that eventually everything will perish, that nothing is forever, that maybe everyone lives in his own little lie to make himself feel better even for a moment...
All of a sudden you find yourself writing the things you're thinking of to the person you like in hopes he/she pities you and gives you attention only for you to feel better for that short moment you seek...
until your expectatons dissappoint you and you realise how pathetic you are, what scum you are, how you won't find the thing to keep you sane in the false affection you recieve in the form of pity.
Then, after writing all that bullshit down, not sending the text to that person, you feel somewhat better until the next restless night comes.