Mental Breakdown Notes

why am i like this?

It's been a while, I'm not gonna try and be a poet this time, don't worry.
Honestly, I thought I was starting to get my shit together these past months, but oh boy was I wrong.
I don't know what's wrong exactly but It's 04:08 AM here and I was just trying to sleep but random thoughts and fake scenarios just flooded my head out of nowhere. Maybe I was frustrated about things but I just felt hella sad and lonely.
I came to conclusions about myself and realised that there are a lot of things I don't like, but the thing I didn't like most of all was that I wasn't doing anything to change that despite that fact. Sooo i got really emotional and wrote a long ass fucking sentence to my best friends group chat and guess what, I burst into tears. Funny isn't it? I know I suck and yea life is hard but damn, why does it hurt so bad for me?
Well there you go, here's one more night where I lie giving myself hope and then wondering what the fuck, why am I like this?