"I still drown in your love and drink 'til I'm drunk."
— A Rocket to the Moon, Ever Enough
**
Broken Glass
"I don't love you."
"W-What?"
He sighed, lone tears occasionally coming out of his eyes, the sight reminding me that this hurt him too but not as much as I did, "I don't love you. Well, not anymore. You know what? I'll just leave."
His long legs started to walk away from me and that's when the desperation kicked itself into me.
"Is there another girl? Are we three in this relationship? Please, just tell me why."
"Alice, no. You know as much as I do that I'll never cheat on you."
I grabbed his shirt and almost kneeled in front of him, "Then why? Am I not good enough? Should I cut my hair? Dress differently? Look prettier? Act differently? Kiss better? What should I do to make you stay? Tell me what to do!"
He gently probed my fists open, "I'm sorry, Alice but I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to have feelings for someone when I don't anymore."
"How did this happen?"
"I just woke up one day and realized my heart has forgotten all about you."
And just like that, three years full of sacrifices and love, all gone.
**
"HEY, I'M going to Wendy's to pick up dinner. Want anything?" my house mate and one of my best friends, asked me.
"I'll just have what you'll have," I said making random patterns on the fogged up living room window of our two-floor apartment.
"‛Kay. I'll just be about twenty minutes," I watched as she grabbed her keys, purse and umbrella. And continued to watch as she shoved her arms through the arm holes of her thick jacket and opened her umbrella just before she was out of the safety of the canopy outside and into the arms of the cold tears of the sky.
I looked away from the window and walked up the stairs to one of the rooms. This was supposed to be an in-between-medium-and-large-sized storage room but I converted it to a music room.
With a small, two-seater sofa in between two mismatched arm chairs, a small rustic-looking coffee table in front of them at the back of the room. A full grand piano taking up most of the space at the upper left corner of the room and three types of guitars leaning against their stands opposite to the piano with a tall black stool in between the guitars.
And lastly, occupying the last corner of my haven is a whole bookshelf with little space left filled with composition notebooks filled with notes and chords and words I can never say, albums and vinyls.
Ignoring my electric and acoustic guitar, I picked up my bass guitar. It was perfectly tuned but I tuned it again anyway. After strumming a bit, I gently laid it down on its stand and headed to the piano.
I sat on the bench, ran my hands over the keys and played some simple notes, and unknowingly played Etude Op.10, No. 5.
And then I sort of just transitioned to a piece I made, singing along to the lyrics.
On the floor
There it was
My heart in a million
Different pieces
Oh, how I tried
I tried so hard
To not die
To pick up all the pieces
But someone once told me
It's best to leave the glass broken
Than hurt yourself
Trying to fix it
Oh how I tried
To pick up that broken glass
To pick up that broken heart
I didn't realize tears were running down my face. And in the safety of my slice of heaven, I broke. Unraveled. Shattered.
No, Alice. Wake up. It was always there, that voice trying to pick me up inside my head. I shook my head and walked to the living room and sat on the couch, turning it on. I found that Star Movies was playing Titanic. At least I have an excuse now.
And in that moment, I heard the front door open, "Sorry I took too long, it's just—Oh, gosh. Nace," she paused after saying my nickname and ran over to me, dropping our dinner gently on the coffee table, "What happened?"
I silently pointed to the TV where Titanic was sinking.
Kate laughed and playfully punched my arm, "You got me worried for a second there, Alice Nadine!"
I groaned, "God, I hate my second name! Please just stick to Alice or Nace, Cattie." I teased her a bit and asked for my dinner. She handed it to me and we ate while watching Titanic.
I peeked at the time on my phone, "It's ten in the evening, Kate," I informed her.
After cleaning up our mess, we decided to call it a night since tomorrow was the first day of school anyway. We both headed up the stairs, my door on the left and hers facing mine on the right.
We hugged quickly and said our good nights. I went in my walk-in closet and changed into some PJs then headed to the en suite bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.
I dove into my sheets and drifted of into a sweet abyss of sleep with memories of once upon a time.
**
My alarm woke me at 5 in the morning. My classes don't start until 9 in the morning but I like to go out and take an hour long run.
I change into some running shorts, a black tank top and my ink blue sneakers. I throw my hair into a quick high pony tail and brush my teeth quickly. I clip my house keys, iPod and my small can of pepper spray on a belt thingy and secure it on my bare upper thigh. It wasn't that chunky so it won't bother me during my run.
I lock the front door as I go and stretch on the small lawn in front of the apartment and start with a brisk walk, slowly speeding up to a fast paced run.
Although not as much as music, I've always loved to run. The simplicity of hitting your feet on the gravel for just that tiny second then lifting it up once again. It makes me feel as though my stress is slowly creeping out of me towards the cold, unforgiving ground.
I quietly run and that's when I heard it.
"Oh, stop!" Her melodious voice paired with her cute little laugh makes her even more beautiful. Her brown hair falling in wisps around her pretty face, warm hazel eyes sparkling in the early morning sun. She was a sight to behold.
"C'mon, you love me all the same." He had black hair that was disheveled from the wind and vivid green eyes that seem to mirror her happiness as he slung his muscular arm over her petite frame gently and then he leaned down from his 6 foot 3 frame to kiss her forehead and just like that my heart broke all over again.
"Unfortunately," the girl muttered. I was breaking inside. Slowly and painfully being stabbed from the inside out.
That's supposed to be me. It was selfish and completely stupid but I couldn't help my thoughts.
"And that's my girl." They laughed together. They haven't even noticed me yet. And before they could, my back was turned and I ran fast back to my apartment. He was happy now.
I miss him. I miss us. I miss Xavier.
© SecretDiamond
YOU ARE READING
Forgotten Music
Romance"I remember every single detail. Do you?" Once upon a time when she was 15, Alice loved a boy named Xavier. She thought he was The One. She was truly, madly and deeply in love with him. Although their relationship was only between the two of them, t...
