How I was healed from my heart diseases

Deeper issues of the heart

You see, that's very interesting. We all have deeper issues in our hearts. Have you ever lied to someone? Have you ever took something that was not yours? Is there something in your life which seems to be impossible to change? Where are these coming from? My whole life I was thinking, what on earth am I doing on this planet? What's the point of life? I saw people getting married, then being busy in their lives. They work. Children go to school. Is that all I thought? I saw parents arguing, I saw the problems, I saw sick people, I saw poverty... What's the point of this whole thing? Will I also be like them? Just living by? Trying to have a better life than my ancestors. Trying to be more successful than them. Maybe study hard, get a good job, have a nice house, start a family. And then?

I couldn't understand.

I saw also religion. It didn't seem real to me. I thought it is just to control people. First I believed as small child, but then later I was missing something. Constant arguments at home, people pointing the finger, telling you what to do, yet themselves are not happy, yet themselves do not live up to those standards... The whole thing seemed to me like it wasn't real... So I decided that I won't follow that path. I wanted to be "happy". Yet I wish I knew then what happiness was.

So I went and tried whatever I could. I studied hard, got a girlfriend, we were together for more than 3 years. In the meanwhile I wouldn't be closed to have a little adventure, but at the end I was more or less faithful to her. I read a lot of self-developing books, financial independence, personal success and some more... I was searching... I got accepted into the university. I wasn't happy there... It was just not what I expected. Then I went to Turkey for a semester as Erasmus. When I arrived back to Hungary after a trip when I was travelling for about a month almost contentiously and seen Israel, Jordan, Palestine, Turkey, I got even more depressed. I decided that now I really gonna' start over. I studied really heard, accomplished in two weeks what was a half years material... But after a few weeks the momentum was away and slowly I sunk back into depression, alcoholism, computer games... I tried to change, but I was like... what's the point? I saw it was wrong, I saw that I want something different, but what? It is certainly not another religion. That's for the weak I thought. I applied for another scholarship. This time to the "West". They offered me a double degree program in the Netherlands (which included a two months project in France first). I thought that was a great idea, and I took the opportunity. To my surprise, people weren't really happier over there. They were certainly more positive, they even felt better, but they had the same issues. Bad father-son relationships, drug problems, the whole thing just felt so empty. School wasn't really too hard, so we had a lot of time during the two months period in France. The same things. Going to school, then drinking a beer together in the evening, maybe watch a movie... I was like: "Is this really it?" Is this the "big life?" What's the point of the whole thing?

What I didn't understand then is that I had a deeper issue within my heart. And there was only one solution...