Stay alive, my love

I killed him.

Nagisas POV:
Karma and I were strolling around the downtown area, holding hands and such when we heard noises coming from an alleyway nearby. It was a group of men vandalizing some persons property, but wait... there was something familiar about those voices. That's when I caught a glimpse of ones face.
Heart. Stopped.

Karmas POV:
What's that noise? We turned the corner to see some vandalizers. I rolled my eyes gesturing Nagisa to ignore it and keep walking but when I tugged at his hand he wouldn't move. I looked over at his face...
Why does he look like that?
He than quickly snapped his head back in my direction, his skin draining color by the second.
"Nagisa?"
Before I knew what was happening he was running, and fast. He was headed towards my house so I chased after him. I'm scared. What's going on?
Just then, something snapped in my head.
Oh my god. Those were the men who kidnapped Nagisa. I remember how when I brought Nagisa back to my home I had talked to him about calling the cops but Nagisa didn't want to face them in court. As much as I begged him to turn the psychos in, he wouldn't budge. I figured it was Nagisas choice and I should respect that.
Now I'm so pissed I ever let him have his way on that. If these monsters were locked up then Nagisa wouldn't be freaking out right now.
I yelled his name once we're far away from those asshats.
Nagisa turned around. I grabbed onto his wrist. He was panting and his bottom lip was trembling. All of a sudden, he drew a sharp breath and yanked his arm out of my grasp. He gripped his hair with both hands and started shaking. His back hit the brick wall and he slid down it. (Ok so I'm speaking from personal experience right now. I don't feel great writing this part so if it's not written well I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get this part over with fast.)
He was curled into a ball, back leaning against the brick, his hands kept grasping at different parts of his body. His legs, his arms, his hair. It was as if he was trying to brush something off of him. The hands of the men touching him, to be specific. He was shaking and gritting his teeth.
"Please... get of-GET OFF! AGH!!"
I felt like I couldn't do anything. Tears were streaming out of my eyes as I stood there, my hands partially outstretched towards him. If I touch him, will that scare him more? I know that he's having a flashback right now. I hear it's like reliving a certain moment. Right now, MY Nagisa is reliving getting raped and I'm just standing here.
"...nagisa..." I whispered in my most kind and soft voice.
Nothing. He wouldn't stop. At this point, his hands were gripped so tightly around his body, his forehead pressed down hard atop his knees. He kept muttering stuff like"Get off of me." Or "please don't." Over and over again.
Nagisa moved his hands away from his body and gripped his wrist tightly with his nails, blood specks forming.
"Woah, Nagisa! Seriously, knock it off!"
He didn't respond.
I wasn't sure what to do. Do I pull his hand away? Will that just make things worse for him? If he gets touched right now, will that make him want to hurt himself more? I'll deal with that later.
I ran up to him and yanked his arm away from his nails reach. I held onto his hands tightly. He was squirming around.
"NGH- LET G-GO!"
"No. You know I won't, Nagisa."
He was twisting his wrists around trying to get out of my grasp when all of a sudden he stopped.
My love stared up at me with a look in his eyes that broke my heart.
"K-karma... plea-please he-help me..."
More tears slipped out of my eyes as I watched him start crying his eyes out, leaning his forehead against my chest.
After a couple minutes I picked him up bridal style and walked out of the secluded alleyway. His arms were wrapped around my neck and I felt my shirt getting damper and damper. I held his quivering body close to mine, trying to make him feel as secure and safe as possible.
When we got back to the house I tried to set him down on the couch but he clung onto me so I sat down on the couch with him on top of me his, arms wrapped around my neck, his face buried in my chest. But then, I heard him speak.
"Th-they chained me up like an a-animal." He said between sobs.
I pushed his head closer to my chest. So close he could hear my heartbeat.
I remember when I saw him there, he had a metal color around his neck which chained him to the wall. I remember how he was paralyzed in fear and that when I looked into his face, tears were streaming down his cheeks and his eyes were wide. But he wasn't violently shaking like you would expect. It was worse. His body was stalk still. The only thing moving was the tears streaming down his cheeks. It was horrifying and I still get nightmare about that heart shattering look.
"They are monsters, Nagi. I swear I'm gonna kill 'em." Then all of a sudden the sadness washed away to reveal enflamed and boiling rage.
I pushed Nagisa off me.
"I'm going to kill them. Stay there."
"K-k-a-ar.... k-k"
I looked down at Nagisa, who's was kneeling on the floor starring up at me with wide, horrified eyes. He couldn't even speak my name. He tried again.
"K.....k-a-a"
He clenched his fists in anger that he couldn't even speak through his sobs. Look at what these monsters did to him. He can't even speak. I looked down at him with a cold expression on my face. "I said stay here, damnit. Can't you hear!?"
He shrunk back as if I was stabbing him. I was about to walk over towards the door, ready to beat their asses before I felt a weak grasp at my leg. Nagisas shaking, pale, small hands we're doing their best to keep a sturdy grasp on my ankle. I easily shook it of and walked out the door, headed to the dark alleyway they were vandalizing fifteen minutes ago.

Nagisas POV:
I watched as Karma stormed out of the door. All of a sudden I felt really nauseous. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. After I flushed the toilet, I stood there, hunched over the seat my tears hitting the water making ripples.
Karma was mad at me. I know why too. It's because I'm a pathetic failure. The voices in my head were screaming those two words over and over again. 'Pathetic failure pathetic failure pathetic failure pathetic failure'.... "pathetic pathetic PATHETIC!!" I was screaming it now.
Warning: suicide content
I got up and stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and snatched out the bottle of Tylenol. My fingers were shaking as I held the the small white bottle. I struggled hard to twist the cap off. Shaking hands made it pretty hard. I was starting to have trouble seeing through my foggy view. I desperately wiped the tears away. When the bottle popped open I shakily poured out the contents of the bottle into my trembling hand. Then with one deep breath I closed my eyes and...

Karmas POV:
I was bolting down the street when all of a sudden visions of Nagisas desolate, inconsolable eyes flooded my brain. I stopped in my tracks.
'I said stay hear damnit! Can't you hear!?' My voice flooded through my head. And the visions too. I watched as I kicked Nagisas hand away from my ankle before I stormed out the door and how he shriveled up at my harsh words.
"What's is WRONG with me!?" I murmured to myself.
Then, realization hit me like a truck. I LEFT HIM ALONE IN THAT STATE?! AM I OUT OF MY GODDAMN MIND!?
I bolted back towards the house stumbling on potholes and cracks in the sidewalk on the way. My head was pounding. Nagisa has hurt himself in the past and who's to say he won't do it now. I raised my voice at an already scared, frightened, hurting and tortured person. Of course he's going to want to hurt himself. At this thought, I felt my legs speed up and I bolted down the street at top speed.
When I reached the house I slammed the door open. I looked around. No sight of Nagisa. Shit. All of a sudden I heard a loud thud come from upstairs.
"NAGISA!" I ran up the stairs skidding to a stop at what I saw. The bathroom door was wide open, and there lay Nagisa, an empty advil container on the floor next to him.
"Oh my god... oh my god! NAGISA!"
I can't believe this. Is this a dream!?
"NAGISA! FUCKING HELL NAGISA WAKE UP DAMNIT!"
I dragged him into the bathtub and turned the shower faucet on to cold, hoping to shock him awake. I got in next to him laying his head on my lap and stuck my finger down his throat trying to get him to gag up all the pills he'd taken.
No no no no no.... this is all my fault... no no no!!
"I KILLED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE." I was sobbing and screaming and just when I was loosing all hope and about to take my finger from the back of his throat I felt his body shiver and I snapped my head down.
Nagisa started to gag up the pills he had taken coughing and panting.