I don't think people understand how lonely this world truly is.
I can pretend I have people to turn to, who I can believe that they'll be there for me. But in truth, I'm no one's go to person.
It's been a while since I've ever updated anything on here and a lot has happened. Abandonment by the ones you least expect it happen.
I always had this gut feeling that I was going to end up alone with no friends and it happened.
When I reflect back on what I could've done or what I did wrong I come up empty handed. But I know I did something, it'd be foolish of me to think otherwise.
It was probably my mental health that drove them away. I was probably a toxic person to be around and didn't know it. Or I was energy draining for them. I get it. I find myself annoying too.
Not to mention I now have health problems happening too... making it hard for me to function daily.
Nothings really changed since high school from what you can read in the chapters. If I don't text first I never hear from anyone.
Covid has me in a depression. Along with my regular depression. It fucking sucks and I'm having a pity party.
I really don't have any friends. No one I'm extremely close with. No one I can share stuff with. Well not that I'll want to anymore in fear of being annoying or toxic.
People really don't realize that what they do can stick in someone's mind for years and tear them apart.
I just wish I knew what I did wrong. I miss that feeling of having close friends around you.
I'm venting here cause there's really no where else I can.
