Sleepless

Three

I was driving, passing to the right of the overpass again. I turned to see if my brother was still there, he was, I smiled. It must have all been a dream, I must have blacked out or something. As ridiculous as it sounded, I chuckled at the thought, but as I was looking in my brother’s direction I saw her again, the Lady in White. My eyes went wide and my gaze was locked once more. All I could do was question, Why do I have to encounter this torture tonight, hadn’t I had enough with the previous nights? Until my brother followed my gaze.

“That’s the-“

The scream, the torn jaw, the bloodshot eyes, all of it, again.

I opened my eyes. We were by the overpass once more, the idea of turning to the right was one I simply reproached, but I worried for my brother, I don’t want my selfishness to be the end of him again. Then I heard my brother move in the passenger seat, I let out the breath I had held in and sighed. Las thing I expected was to hear him speak again.

“That’s the-“

The scream, the dry blood on the scarred face, and now, missing eyes.

Since then, I’ve lost track of how many times it happened, how many times I had seen that ashen face so close I could feel her breath when she screamed. Eventually I just gave up on opening my eyes. The nothingness was more comforting, it was lonely, barren and somehow entrapping, but it was better. I could feel no wind from the moving car, no hint of light from the street lamps, no rustle in the chair to my right, and so I came to accept the darkness, my usual enemy, as myself.

My eyes still closed, in a darkness as black as Poe’s raven I began to hear something peculiar.

“Click, click, click, click…” It was a soothing and familiar sound. It made me feel comfortable, as if could relax, like I’ve done so many times before with that sound near me. Then it became more than a sound, I could feel wind blow against my face, my hands laying against my chest, myself sinking into a soft plump surface and now crickets.

The click, click, click continued…

The wind blew faintly…

I listened intently and let the sound drift me further into dar-

It was coming from above, from the ceiling!

My eyes opened. I was in my room, laying on my bed, it was dark, but I could hear the familiar clicking of my ceiling fan, and this darkness was nowhere near as encompassing as the nothingness. I was relieved, but I needed to clear my head I needed light, but as I willed my body to pull the light cord overhead I realized I couldn’t move. I was trapped, heavy, and afloat in my own mind. I tried to scream, but all I could hear was the muffled grunt of a person that too often suffers from false awakenings, but remains aware of external stimuli. My senses began to creep away from me again.

 Wait, wait, I know how to get out of this. Think, remember. You’ve been here before.

I remembered.

 I held my breath, I felt myself losing consciousness, and the darkness began to encroach faster. My eyes flew open as I gasped for air.

This time I took no risks, I sat up immediately and turned the lights on my ceiling fan on.

“Light switches don’t work normally in dreams, mirrors don’t work normally in dreams, physics are usually broken in dreams, and writing doesn’t work in dreams” I recited this over and over again as I checked and peeked around every corner of my bed to make sure she wasn’t there, turned off and on the lights, bounced on my bed a little bit and picked up my phone and I could indeed read and type.

I relaxed and lay back in my bed and let a little bit of shame pour over me as I thought I would never sleep without the lights of again—the shame felt good, I was alive.

I turned my head to the right to peer at the clock, an almost obligatory action after a really bad nightmare: four in the morning. I had slept a total of 3 hours, and suddenly I hated last night’s decision to do some late night editing.

I knew I wasn’t going to sleep, I couldn’t, not after that. I rubbed at my eyes trying to remove what little sleep desire remained in them and got up, got dressed, went downstairs, turned on the PC and hoped three hours would be enough for today.

They never have before, but sleep was now the furthest thing from my mind.