Dostana!!!

Right or wrong?

Did I just agree that I have fallen for Siddharth? This was the last thing Shehnaaz thought before Mrunal shook her and told her about all of them going to their rooms. It was pitch blackness in her room. It had been an hour since Shehnaaz tried to sleep but one particular question had taken away her sleep and consequently her mind was busy.

A lot of things and thoughts were going on in her mind. It was the time to face it now. It was the time she akes herself clear and sort her things. She sighed and decided to dive into the pits of thoughts and feelings, she had been running away from. But how far will she run? For how many days will she remain in denial?

That was it. She had to face it today. Now or never. Over the past few weeks she tried so much to control her feelings but at the end of the day she was unsuccessful. "Is this right?"...."Is it right to have feelings for him?" She asked her own self. The first thought wasn't "Do I like him?" But the first thought was is it right.

She knew somehow she liked him but the feeling had now gone too far. She knew what she was thinking was baseless and had no future. All she knew was, Siddharth was into men and that there is no chance that he would reciprocate the feelings she had for him. This had now made her realize that what she is thinking is so wrong.

For her, Siddharth was totally into Kushal and vice-versa and also they were very happy together. But sometimes even after knowing the reality, we tend to ignore it.

Maybe sometimes, ignoring the reality makes more sense than the reality itself. And that is what happened with Shehnaaz.... Her feelings we growing at a high rate. She loved his company. His logics behind every single thing, his thoughts, his ideologies and his...well...his handsome face. The perfect chiseled face with utmost patience. How he smiled always mad her feel...well.... not to be cliche, but the butterflies were real. The way her heart fluttered unknowingly, when he called her name out, stretching "zzz" of her name, had made her heart tingle in happiness and her cheeks flush. She adored him so much!

She adored how he was protective and caring towards Mrunal and her. She adored how he motivated everyone. She adored how he was dedicated and passionate towards his work. She adored how friendship for him means so much. And of course his looks and his logics did wonders to her! Basically, She adored Everything and Anything About Him. She fell for him the day when Kushal's Mumma said so many things about him and his relationship with Kushal but Siddharth was calm. He didn't even in anyway tried to disrespect or say,"kitni old fashioned hai, tere mummy ko samjha de mere baare me aisa kuch na bole" or any shit one would do when he is being said things. The One last thing she told herself before she went to sleep was control.... CONTROL THE FEELINGS AND FORGET THIS STUPID TOPIC.

But only if she knew that the reason behind his calm nature was not understanding but THE REALITY. Only if she knew he was pretending. No doubt she had fallen for Siddharth and her feelings were deeply rooted but the reasons somehow weren't convincing. And also who was gonna tell her that feelings cannot be controlled. Only if she knew that feelings come from within.

Feelings can't be generated. You don't create feelings. They are inside you and we you meet certain someone they grow. They develop. That's the reason we say," I have started developing feelings for you" and not " I have created feelings for you". It is basically like energy. You don't create it nor can you destroy it.... It can just be felt. Feelings don't die nor can they be stopped from growing. And ones that are pure, don't perish. They take as much time to stop growing as much it takes for radioactive decay...infinity.

***

Siddharth rested on his bed. Realization of his feelings for Shehnaaz was sinking in. But again the same question was constantly smacking him."Is this Right?". He knows his feelings for her are growing and so are the worries of TRUTH REVEAL. He started thinking rationally. He tried so much not to keep this one thought in his mind but failed miserably. That one thought was "AM I CHEATING?". The amount of trust not only Shehnaaz has on him but also Mrunal, who told her one of the most private and darkest phase of her life, made him guilty. He was indeed cheating. Not only on two people but four. Mumma and Aunty as well. Is this what he is doing, is right? No. The answer came from within. Of course it was not right. How could he even ask that question? He had lost alot his rights to ask that question when he agreed to the charade. How would he show his face when it he would reveal the truth. How will he stand their piercing grazes when he would admit that he was faking it all the time. How would he bear the pain of losing his people? His Friends. His DOSTANA.