Letters to Carmen

4

Author's Note: Hello everyone!

Welcome back to Letters to Carmen, and also a fair warning that this chapter (letter) is a little more darker than what you're used to. There's mentions of sensitive topics, so if you aren't comfortable with this deep stuff, then you shouldn't read.

Other than that, enjoy the chapter!

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Dear Carmen,

Okay, I am CALM now. Especially from my encounter with the bitch of a former friend I have and the boy trouble.

I actually am thinking..worst case scenario right now. I was wondering what it would've been like if I actually did join that "vocational" school Contreres had talked about so fondly.

It's just..what if I hadn't had a change of heart? What if I wasn't on your side? What if..I completed my training and became a VILE operative? What would happen between us?

Well, for one thing, we would be enemies.

I don't want to be enemies, Carmen! I can't bring it in myself to hurt you and..what if VILE captures me and uses me as bait to lure you out? Would you save me, or would you leave me? Oh, who am I kidding? I bet I don't even matter enough to you since we only knew each other for a week!

It's fine if you don't care. I'm used to it. I mean, ever since Mom and Dad died, no one has cared for me. At least, genuinely. I get it, I'm just a low life of an orphan who doesn't deserve to be happy, no matter how many times I try to make myself at least a little happier, it's no use. I'm worthless.

Every single fucking day before you showed up in Mexico City, it was like HELL for me. I was still being pushed by Marta and training harder for extra hours, sent on over 10 heists a day, and I barely had any time to eat or at least have some time to myself. Not even in my apartment, since she always called me every single fucking hour telling me I had a new mission.

Every night when Marta didn't need me, I always cried myself to sleep out of stress and frustration. Not only over myself, but over Marta and why the hell I was still with her.

Well. Here's why I was still with her—BECAUSE I NEEDED MONEY.

You're right, it's HARD living on my own and fending for myself. It was easy for Marta to hire me because I would do anything to make sure I didn't die on the streets. I didn't want to die, I wanted to live! I wanted to live long enough to do normal things a teenager would. But..my childhood was really short lived. And so was the rest of my teen hood.

I'm 15, and I'm already a useless piece of shit would let herself be put down so many times that she lost count.

I JUST WANT MY PARENTS BACK. I want them to be here for me. I want to be able to see them, to celebrate the holidays with them, to avoid the life of crime, to do ANYTHING someone my age would do that wasn't thievery.

...Okay, I think I need to calm down a little bit since I seem to really be losing it right now.

If you do get this, please don't be mad at me. I may be used to anger, but it doesn't mean I can take it all that much. Unless you want me to have a mental breakdown.

See you later, I guess.

Sonia