drifters

Chapter 15 - what now?

All I kept thinking was to be vigilant.  What does that even mean?  To keep an eye out for dangerous activity?  We have certainly seen many act a fool since we've been here - alive or dead.  But have we seen any activity worse than Rita's?  Probably not.

It also alarmed me because we were taking advice from people we didn't know that could have been full of shit.  They could have been spreading rumors about a place that doesn't exist.  They could have been just as crazy as Rita.  For all we know, maybe they were worse than her.  I just wanted to go back to school, back to my family, back to the way things were where the weight of the world wasn't riding on us.

"You done with your pity party, Fia?"  Jebb always had a way of just cutting right to the chase.

"Yes, asshat.  I need some space to try to find Rita."  We were coming up onto the boardwalk and I started to prepare my perch.

"Shouldn't we talk about what happened?  Like what Jeremy said?"  I could tell my mom wanted to have an organized plan to decrease the possibility of error.

"Mom, what is there to talk about?  They aren't going to help unless it's too late.  We have to do something."  I started my transformation and tuning people out.

Jebb obviously agreed with my mom.  "Fi - I think we should try to reason with Rita.  If there is a good side to her than maybe she's not as bad as some others.  Maybe we were reading it all wrong."

Did I ever mention that I hated distractions?  "She had me kill my mom.  Is that enough reason to stop her?  And who's to say that she's not using those kids to have a stronger team to help her take over the world?  Stop listening to random people, Jebb!"  I didn't even look at my mom for a reaction.

"Fia honey, let's just talk for 1 minute.  If we try to reason with her and it doesn't work, I promise you that I will not try to stop you, stopping her and I will be right there fighting next to you.  But let's try just one conversation.  That's it."  I told you she was convincing.

I didn't want to 'reason' with a lunatic.  I didn't want to talk to her.  I didn't want to see her manipulating anymore minds.  I just wanted her gone.  My mom could see my inner arguments building, as the whole world probably could.

"Fia honey, I think if I had had a conversation with her when we were alive, woman to woman or mom to mom, this would be a completely different situation.  I should have apologized to her then and for that, I will never forgive myself."  Those comments threw me into a complete ballistic rage.

"Why the fuck would you apologize to her?!  You took care of her kid, remember the one that was homeless and living on the street!!!  You gave Tessa a good life, a good family!"  My voice was shriekingly loud.  I literally felt unstable at this point.

"Honey, I'm a mother.  If someone took you away from me, I would be out of my mind.  I would need to see you and do everything I could to do so.  I should have helped her more instead of just demanding that she got clean and have an apartment.  I pushed her away when I should have been helping her."  Her eyes were pleading.

"Mom, you did try to work with her on visitation.  You did your part.  Why is this relevant now?  She's a murderer.  She's a hands down, ass up killer.  Why are we wasting our time talking about this?"  I just wanted to move on.  I didn't want to feel sorry for Rita because no matter how bad someone's life is, that can't justify murder.  I can't seem to make that okay in my mind.  "She's using her sad life's story to get sympathy and I'm not giving it to her."

"Just one conversation Fia.  If it doesn't go anywhere, I am prepared to fight with you.  But just one talk.  That's it.  That's all I'm asking."  She had that 'you're an adult, you can make your own decisions' look on her face.  I looked over at Jebb and he seemed to be on the fence.  I know he wanted to destroy Rita.  He was legitimately concerned about Benny but he also wanted to please my mother.