mental insanity

relief and no regret

My fucking God I feel a hell of a lot better now. I just did what I have been wanting to do for so long. Stab the shit out of one of the pathetic sluts at my school. So here's how it went down, I honestly think it was her fault, she deserved it anyway.
It was last period and I had maths. That could've been enough to set anyone off. But at the time, I was genuinely pissed at the whole entire human race. I mean I see humans, but no humanity. But that's not the reason why is was pissed.
A few nights ago, I got the worse phone call anyone could get. My best friend had killed herself. She had a tough time too, we were "freaks" apparently. We didn't reach the standards that this fucked up society call "acceptable". She slit her wrists, died of blood loss, she died slowly. I guess we were both dying slowly, but no one knew it.
As I was sitting in maths, drowning in my depression, having dealt with people telling me to "cheer up" all day. I'm drowning and everyone is standing 3 feet away telling me to learn how to swim. Anyway, I sat there, mentally killing everyone in this room, but I guess one of them would do, because just as I was about to walk out of the classroom having asked to go to the toilet, one girl that I hated the most just had to stop me.
"Why were you even friends with that chick? She was a freak. But I guess you are too. People like you are toxic" she said to me. Straight up. That's when I couldn't control it anymore. Those dark thoughts that have been running round in my head came to reality
" I'm sorry I was born toxic" I say as I slowly picked up the scissors that were on the desk next to us and held them up to her face "say one more word that makes anyone in this filthy God damn horror show you people call the world feel any source of negativity, I will make you rush upon this blade. And I won't feel bad. I won't feel anything." I say with a straight face. Those words had been replaying in my mind for quite some time and it felt good to get them out.
"Your so cray! You should kill yourself like your pathetic little friend did. Do everyone a favour and just die already" she said to me low enough that no one would hear it.
And with that, I jammed my scissors into her throat. And boy did it feel good. But I didn't stop there. I pushed her down to the ground and straddled her and kept jabbing the blades into her face. Every time the blade penetrated her flesh, I felt a bit of the hatred I felt for this world leave me. The pain that I suffered left my body and entered hers. The pain she was in, that wasn't hers, it was mine. The blood running down her face and out her throat wasn't hers, it was the blood that ran down my wrists every time I dragged that blade across my flesh. And I didn't feel bad at all. I didn't feel anything. Only relief.
Soon I was pulled off by my maths teacher. I noticed the fear in everyone's eyes... And I just sighed at the sight. I smiled at the student as I was dragged out of the class and thrown into this can of some sort. I didn't really take notice of what was happening around me. All I focused on was that I finally felt pure, I felt free. But that wouldn't last long. I only realised after I was thrown out of the van and dragged up the steps of a building, that I was being thrown in a mental institution. Well this isn't right, I did the world a favour. That girl is a murderer, she pushed my friend over the edge and made her kill herself. She is only a small reason why I had scars up my wrists, she would've killed so many more people, and probably me. I am not insane. I don't belong here. Or do I?