Real Life Stories

Just Another Day

So, right now it is 4 in the morning, and lately I haven't been able to sleep too well since that nap nightmare. I don't know if I'm just being a big baby or there is some serious physiological damage I haven't looked into yet. I feel fine during the day but once its time to sleep, it feels like I don't need it, or that I have things to do. I thought to myself that maybe I have ruined my sleeping pattern with naps and occasionally staying up way too late. But this was never an issue until recently. Maybe just a backlash of this and stress but I don't feel good.

I also kept an eye on my mental and physical behavior and appearance, nothing much has changed except my appetite, see, I would skip meals, not on purpose or out of self hate. But because I genuinely forget to eat, I would be busy with doing something and I would get hungry, instead of taking a small break I tell myself to wait a few minutes then I would end up finishing whatever I was doing and my stomach wouldn't growl anymore, and I'd just simply forget. Now, I don't feel hungry at all, not even the smell of food makes me hungry, but of course to stay alive I eat here and there, but it just feels wrong, like eating isn't something I'm supposed to do. Again not a self hate thing, just can't consume anything without feeling weird and gross.

Maybe this is all just a part of getting older, but everything feels wrong, even my own skin feels wrong. Like my skeleton doesn't belong in it, or that I'm wearing a huge blanket over myself. Talking to people doesn't feel right either, I feel like they might attack me down to the ground and rip out my guts and eat it. Sitting by myself makes me feel like I'm going nuts. Distractions make me feel lonely and music makes me feel sluggish and slow.

Maybe I'm having some weird long term mental break down, but this for sure doesn't feel normal. I know not many people read this and maybe no one really cares, but let's say, that someone actually reads this.

Maybe you know what's going on with me? Or curious of all my symptoms? Just dm me or comment. Thanks.