Hello, Chris... Goodbye.

...be the love of my next life...

Got out of the taxi, I stumbled on my feet.

- Be careful. - the taxi driver reminded me, concerned.

- I'll be ok. - I gave him my crooked smile from all the alcohol that I consumed.

- See you next time. - he shouted after me.

I waved him off while trying my best to balance my steps so I wouldn't fall over. I wasn't drunk. I knew exactly what I was doing. It's just that ever since the incident I caused on the night after her wedding day, I could no longer be drunk.

The headache and dizziness was crazy, this way of mustering courage sure as hell has some terrible side effects that make people regret in the morning. But again, everyone knows those all too well by their heart that they will keep using this method over and over again because it is the most effective.

I stared at the door deadly.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

...

Ten seconds.

I started to count my own breath and my doing gradually took my breath away.

I pulled out my phone to dial a number, and it took awhile for the person to pick up. Everything made perfect sense there since it was already 2 in the morning, but finally there it was, the voice that I wanted to hear all day, all night, and for the rest of my life.

- Tobin? What happened? - her voice was a little bit sleepy, but it was the most beautiful sound.

- Chris, we need to talk. - I said.

- What's with your voice? - she sounded worried.

- Nothing. Can we talk, please? - I asked again.

- Sure, what do you wanna talk about?

I could imagine Christen Press sitting herself up and adjusting her pajamas while getting ready to hear me out.

- Go outside. - I told her.

- What for? - confusion took over her.

- I'm here... to see you. - the space in the middle of the sentence occurred because of my heart breaking apart. I was in so much pain just listening to her voice.

Everything about her broke me, but also healed me. I didn't even know what was going on anymore.

The coldness of LA's night could not sober me up. My body was burning up as my heart was beating inside my throat. Adrenaline rushed through my entire body, the level of my nervousness shot through the roof, all of a sudden, my intestines seemed like they wanted to go to war, and that very internal feeling made me wanna take a dump.

- Huh? - she still couldn't believe her ears.

- Get your ass out of the house, I have something to say! - I raised my voice to sound tough, to not let myself break down and collapse.

- Oh... Kay.

I hung up on her right after that. Not because I wanted to look determined and intimidating, but because I was terrified that I would pass out if the call lasted any longer. I just couldn't breathe probably with her voice in my ear.

Back then, I always held myself back, because I was constantly frightened of the imagination of ruining Chris's perfect happiness. I was trying to be considerate without anyone asking for it, and was even blinded by that imagination of my own to have the audacity to call what she was experiencing "happiness". But now, I am not going to do that anymore. Instead of holding myself back, I will hold on to her.