Only of You || Wendip

8

Ok so I logged back into this app for shits n gigs and I forgot I had this mildly successful wendip story back in the day and y'all have STILL BEEN READING THIS POS WTF but ig I'll update it why not. Idfk where I left off and I'm not checking so it's gonna still be just semi connected wendip stuff but not really following old stuff . Also this chapter will show some of my humor with lots of 4th wall breaks but the blatant exposition and lack of interest in character development is just because I'm half restarting.~~

Mold. The air smelled like mold. Not the kind of mold in a cup you forgot to wash or the stuff that grows on dead trees. No. Like the stuff that looks like puke on mulch that's on every playground in the spring. That shit. I hate that shit. Anyway, Dipper steps out of the shack. "3am and half a bottle of ZZZquil hasn't put me down yet? I'd spark up but I'm not packing an eighth for two hours of sleep on a Wednesday." He hadn't been sleeping much recently. Probably testosterone, he though. Watching Batman Begins at 1am wasn't helping him sleep at all, it was making him want to run through a wall. "Mental note: stop watching movies in bed." Plus, whenever he started to drift, a certain redhead and her green flannel with one too many top buttons undone entered his mind. THAT certainly wasn't helping, either. "Fuck. Why can't she at least just like, not stick her tits in my face? I get it. They're there. They're reallyyyyy nice. But I don't need to see them when I'm trying to work?? Like you know what you're doing and it's killing me." Dipper is weird. He is talking to the night sky at 3am about tits. We know he's weird though and most 18 year olds do this. Dipper needs his outlet.

"HEY KID, GET OFF MY PORCH SWING AND GET YOUR LAZY ASS TO SCHOOL." Stan's voice boomed from the door and the keys to the Oldsmobile smacked Dipper in the forehead. "It's probably 3rd hour by now. Get your ass up."

"Damn you could've gotten me up earlier Stan, what the hell?" Dipper asked in a daze.

"I'm old. I get up late cause I can. Watch your damn mouth. Now go!" Stan wasn't having any of that shit.

"Damn. Good thing I fell asleep in my tight crew neck which perfectly outlines my upper body development on my 6'5, 240 pound frame. Also, falling asleep wearing comfortable Nike men's short shorts and my birks was also cool and convenient." Dipper said. It was, in fact, very convenient. Dipper started the Oldsmobile and plugged his phone in the tape->headset jack. "Raw" by lud foe played as he went 25 over through town and tore into the parking lot at GFH just as 3rd hour let out. The chorus blasted as he hopped out of the car and did a badass slide over the hood. No one knew how the car was off and the music was still on but it was. Probably cause I'm writing this and think it's cool.
I ain't even fuck her, she want me to go in raw
I ain't cut the dope with nothing, I'm servin' this shit raw
Line it up and dope fiends snort the shit through a straw
As he slid across the hood panties dropped simultaneously from like at least 84% of the girls watching. Pretty much every girl at his school had a massive crush on him. They couldn't figure out why he was trying to nail the part time groundskeeper and football equipment manager. She was a 20- something tall lanky ginger. What did did see in her? Except for her huge mommy milkies she had nothing.
Dipper felt really fucking cool because he looked really fucking cool like 2 minutes ago. That makes sense. As he walked to his 4th hour calc class, his friend Treyshawn handed him "The Charli™️" from Dunkin that Tre picked up on his way to school. Tre was also late because him and Dip were on the same page. See, Tre was Dip's quarterback and Dip was the Star Tight End at GFH. Tre was committed to UCLA and Dip was an Oregon commit. Both full rides. They were tight. Tre will be back later, cause I made him up and he's a badass. Anyway, Dipper sipped his coffee as he entered calc. 'Time to not talk for 41 minutes because everyone in this class is stupid.' He though. Pacifica sat in front of him and dropped her pencil TOTALLY BY ACCIDENT like four times a class and the 6 sophomore football players definitely fanboyed (and chum chummed a little) in the back of the class the whole time.
"Hi. I'm your new teacher, Steve Irwin. Your old teacher died last week after he was stung by a stingray and I'm your replacement." Now, that is not funny AT ALL and if you laugh you're going to hell. Anyway, Dipper Hated Calc and was very happy that he didn't have a class the rest of the day because, yknow, Senior scheduling and also it's convenient cause I hate writing about school in these stories. Dipper left school and headed straight to 435 Evergreen. The shitty little bungalow that the love of his life was renting while working no less than three jobs at a time. Usually shack, school, diner was the rotation, but during fall she'd help the local lumberjacks when she could. Dipper knocked on the door.
"Hello?" A girlish but definitely deeper than most girls called from inside.
"Let me in or I'm taking the door in with me." Dipper deadpanned.
"What's the password?" She asks.
"I will not think about having sexual relations with Wendy corduroy until I show emotional development as a character and shed toxic masculine traits. Only then will coitus be a possibility" Dipper said normally because it's a totally normal thing to say.
"Good. Maybe in like 4 chapters I'll blow you when we're both drunk after a game." She said as she let him in.
~That will probably not happen I'm exactly 4 chapters but maybe like 5~

This is obviously me having fun but lemme know what y'all think