Michiko x Mary

Dreams

This morning I woke up with a strange feeling.
Most days a strange feeling follows me, mainly because of my drinking habits. After slowly sitting up in bed the sun shines brightly, even though I'm squinting and my hand covers my eyes the sun is still too bright.

Today will be just as rough as yesterday if not worse.

The sun continues to shine brightly even though I'm begging it to go away. When I look to my right Miles is nowhere in sight, he must already be awake and waiting for me.
With that I begin walking toward the kitchen to start preparing a meal for Miles. Something continues to bother me as my head pounds.

Before I can continue to overthink things, arms wrap around my waist. A quick glance behind reveals that it's my husbands arms, although this isn't anything new.

Once we sit down at the table he quickly eats and then kisses me goodbye as he has more important matters to handle. Miles is a busy man, his work requires him to be gone which I can understand but when he's gone there's no one here who understands me, no one here to keep me company.

Without Miles my day feels empty, I have too much time on my hands and I have too much to think about. Once he's gone there's an uncomfortable silence.

Whenever it's just me I'm left with a feeling of dread. Everything comes rushing back to me, the thought that immediately comes to mind is
Miles family not approving of me.

This wasn't something miles wanted, in fact he has tried to prove to them that I'm a good wife, but it's not that simple. They don't approve of me for who I am not for what I can do. Even if I was perfect they still wouldn't accept me as I am.

He didn't expect this to be a problem we'd have and honestly I didn't either, how can he come from a family like this yet love me regardless?

At some point we stopped visiting his parents, we stopped trying to prove my worth when they wouldn't even bother to hear us out.
Truthfully things would've been simpler if Miles married a different woman but he chose me. Though I don't know why he chose me yet everyday I'm thankful we met, he could've avoided so many issues if he had chosen someone else.

This doesn't change the fact that I would do anything for him as he would for me of course. He's still the man I love. I just can't help but feel a bit bad considering our marriage caused a huge disagreement between Miles and his family.

Maybe one day his parents will accept me just as he did, just as he does, maybe they'll give me a chance. though I'm not foolish enough to continue wishing for something that's unlikely. People may look down on me but he does not.
I love my husband.

As miles got further from the house the more uneasy I felt. Even though he had just left a part of me already needs him back home. Eventually I wondered back to our room and decided to straighten up.

I started by making the bed then moved on to organizing the closet. When I got to my vanity there was a note and gift left behind. A beautiful pink butterfly hairpin. The note was short and sweet, Miles found the hairpin at a local shop and picked it up for me.

Since moving to a new place with miles I usually avoid wearing anything that makes me stand out but since he picked it, I'll wear it.
In a way it's like he's right here with me.

I straightened out my hair and finished it off with the hairpin. I spend some time admiring its beauty, yet when looking at myself there was a slight bit of discomfort.
The hairpin looked lovely but it didn't suit me. Never did I think I looked bad until seeing how others looked at me, how they held some sort of disgust for me. The words my father in law had said repeated in my mind, only when I'm left alone with my thoughts do his words come to mind. The longer I sit in front of this mirror the louder his voice sounds.