Michiko x Mary

Envy

The day starts the same as any other would.
My head aches, my body feels as if it's ripping at the seams and then.. and then? I'm forgetting something. What is it?

A quick glance at my side table and memories come flooding back.

Miles.
Leaving this manor is my priority if it makes forgetting someone so important this easy. His face seems like a blur, these days his voice is too distant. There's barely an image that comes to mind when I think of him. A man, a suit, and that's all.
In dreams when I try to reach out he vanishes, I'm losing myself and at the same time I'm losing him. Staying here can drive you mad.

The notes under my door haven't stopped in fact, they seem to be showing up every other day. The most recent note was a statement my father in law made about my disappearance.

"That woman most likely ran off with another man, I knew she was never good enough for my son. He would've given her everything he had and it wouldn't have been enough for her."

Miles knows me better than that, he wouldn't believe such lies. But maybe he should.

There's a part of me that wonders if it'd be easier for him to forget about what we had, there's no way I can promise my return. His happiness is all I want even if it's at the risk of losing my own.

Drinking is still a comfort I can keep, at least if Miles is destined to forget about me I'll always have something to depend on.

I should find some new hobbies if I'm always left feeling this depressed.

This room has had some changes since my first day here, it could be a sign that I changed as well. There's a bookshelf, a shelf with different alcoholic drinks lined atop it, a notebook paired with a pen and ink, and miscellaneous trinkets, trinkets that remind me of my life outside of this manor.

The notebook has my name stitched onto its leather cover.
Maybe writing could be a new hobby of mine.
It'd be good to fill this up with my memories, something to keep track of it all. When I forget I can just look through this and remember it all.

The pages fill easily, quickly writing down what I remember about Miles, our life together, my life outside of our marriage and whatever else comes to mind.

Even though part of me wants Miles to forget about what we had, another part refuses to fully accept that, whenever I look down at the ring on my finger my heart begins to ache.
Small things that never really went appreciated I now miss. The way he smelled, the way his laugh sounded, even when it was silent his presence was comforting.

We had always wanted kids- although we figured it was a little too soon for that. We knew we wanted children of our own, we wanted the house to feel less empty. I remember how that talk went, it was our wedding night and I was still in my dress and he had started talking about different possibilities for our future. we just spent hours talking about how our life would be.

tears stain the paper.

I quickly tear it out and start again on a fresh page.

About halfway through writing my hand begins to cramp, while waiting for my hand to feel better I'll use this as an opportunity to try talking to the others.

Once the ink dries I close the notebook and slide it into the bedside table. 

Walking down the hall is the same as usual, it's eerie and quiet. If there's anyone for me to avoid it would be the man with blades for fingers- although I'm not a fan of that clown either.

It feels as if the portraits that line the hall are watching my every move. This just encourages me to move faster.

After heading downstairs the first person I see is Mary but she isn't alone? She's speaking with Grace and Violetta, although Violetta doesn't seem too interested in the topic. Maybe there's something that I could try to add to the conversation but it most likely wouldn't go well, socializing isn't too hard there's a bit of a  struggle when it comes to talking with the others in this manor.

Instead of trying to add to the conversation, why not just listen for now.

"This game that everyone seems to be speaking about; do you have any clue of what's supposed to happen?" Mary looks relaxed when asking this, something I haven't learned how to do.

Violetta seems to hesitate before giving an answer.

"Well it's simple, just follow the rules and everything will be alright. I think if anyone has a chance at winning it's-" before she can finish the clown man walks in.

I don't even want to hear what he has to say so with that I head back to my room. Rest sounds spectacular right about now.

 

There's a faint tune coming from down the hall.
It sounds warm and comforting, it doesn't fit the vibe of this manor.
Curiosity gets the better of me and I crack the door open as quietly as possible.

What awaits me beyond the door is unexpected.

Mary is in the empty ballroom humming some tune I don't recognize and yet it sounds lovely, she sounds lovely. Even if you don't like someone you can still appreciate whatever talents they might have.

Before she can spot me I quickly close the door and walk down the hall. She might not be a good person but she has a sort of charm anyone would be envious of. Not that I'm envious of her. I have my own charms.