The Second Born Curses- A Winterborn Series

Hidden Secret

Clint's POV

I struggled against my restraints as the invisible forces in my mind pushed my body to fight Natasha- fight until I could no longer stand. I frantically fought against Loki's spell as his spear weapon tried to hold on as Nat slammed my head into a railing, its control receded, and I felt that I was back in control again as I blinked up at Natasha.

"Natasha?"

She looked at me and then...
Everything went black again.

***

Sometime later, I woke up to find myself in restraints. This time, it wasn't mentally but physically. Better than being stuck in my own head and being prodded at by the spear's control to do things that I wouldn't normally do.

Natasha looked upon me with sad eyes as I resisted again, pulling at the restraints. All at once, I felt like I was being undone by Loki's lingering mind control- I was falling apart. Shaking my head as though to shake the feeling off, I clenched my fists, my ears popping and my jaw grinding in its socket.

"Clint, you're gonna be alright."

"You know that? Is that what you know? I got...I gotta go in though. I gotta flush him out." I replied, panting in effort. Struggling against this force inside my mind is like the worst thing to go through- to not be in control of my own body.

"We don't have that long, it's gonna take time." Nat poured a drink, I glanced at her, chest heaving with strain.

"You don't understand. Have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out and send something else in? Do you know what it's like to be unmade?"

"You know that I do."

A moment of silence passed between us, only my shaky breathing remained audible in the thickening calm. A thought popped into my mind, curiosity overwhelming me. Now that I was feeling more in control, it made me wonder the how's and the whys.

"Why am I back? How did you get him out?"

"Cognitive re-calibration," I gave her a confused look, biology was never really my forte, "I hit you really hard in the head." she continued, noting my bewilderment. Handing me a glass of water, I paused to look at my best friend.

"Thanks."

Suddenly, a flash of a memory of my bow in my hands, shooting an arrow into a man's heart- the very man who'd once helped me train to be an agent when I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. That couldn't have happened... could it? My throat felt dry, a lump forming within it and my stomach began to churn with bitterness and regret.

"Natasha, how many agents?"

I didn't have to elaborate; Natasha already knew what I meant as I looked at her face. Nat's mouth tightened slightly as she spoke to me in a low tone.

"Don't. Don't do that to yourself, Clint. This is Loki. This is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for."

I didn't speak for a moment, remembering that despite seeing magic first-hand, I still hadn't been prepared. What did that say about me? That I was a coward and a loser- two things that I couldn't stand being. I was an agent- a trained professional. I shouldn't be that pathetic.

Natasha and I began talking about Loki and what he was up to. But as we did, I noticed that Nat's eyes were hard and cold; distant. It was like she was holding something back from me- something important. Frowning, I judged her stance and was surprised to find that the movement she was using was the only stance that had had once kindled S.H.I.E.L.D to send me after her... to kill her.

"What is it, Nat?"

Silence...

"Nat? What's wrong?"

"Clint..." she began, stopping abruptly. Now free from my restraints, I grabbed her hand and held it, staring at her encouragingly. She still didn't speak, as though the news was too staggering of a weight to be shared with.

Sensing that the weight had something to do with someone I know, my gut knotted with worry. Nat's eyes were misty with tears threatening to fall, it was then that I realized.

"No..." I breathed, my gut dropping down to the floor in horror.

"I'm sorry, Clint... We tried to stop him..." whispered Natasha, looking devastated. I couldn't answer as guilt and anger overwhelmed me. A memory poked at me with a vicious jab, my breathing short.

I failed her again... I failed Katra...

Over and over again, I could see my sister's young face streaked with tears, reaching her slender hand out to me, desperate for me to save her from the demons that haunted both of our pasts incessantly. It was like a nightmare beginning to become reality- me failing Katra again after I swore that I would always protect her.

In my mind, the stairs to that one door that held all of my past was beginning to creak open. I rushed to it to block it from opening yet the demons that dwell beyond it pushed back against my strength, snarling and bellowing the very things I sought to keep a secret until the day I die.

"Clint? Clint, look at me!" Nat shook me, snapping me out of my waking nightmare. Forcing myself to look her in the eye, I found myself shuddering and trembling, breaking out into a sweat. Nat smiled soothingly, probably thinking that I was still fighting Loki's control. I almost laughed, bitterly. If only it was that then it would be so much easier to deal with. No, it was a different demon that possessed me, and he was called, "The Ghost of The Past".

My poor sister is with a monster. Over and over again, I kept seeing that day where I failed to save her from the demons. I gave Natasha a tight nod to let her know that I was in control again. Nat then left me to get washed up, leaving me with my thoughts. My breathing was shallow.

When I looked into the glass, my pale face stared back. Those eyes held shadows- shadows of a past that I never spoke of and never would. If I spoke of it to anyone, even to Natasha, they'd all turn their backs from me. I'd be cast out. Eyes set with determination; my hands clenched.

I won't let that happen... even if it means letting Katra go, I won't let my past be revealed. I vowed silently, staring at my reflection. Even if it meant hurting the only family I have left in the world, I'll die protecting my past from being brought into the light.