The Adventures of the Junior Phoenixes, Part 5: The Last Pendant

Chapter 20: The Lost Ones

Chapter 20

Shade had hoped that his life would flash before his eyes as he fell from the lofty heights of Morgan le Fay's castle in the mountains. The fall was longer than he had anticipated. At first it seemed to Shade like the fall was frightening and scary. After a long while it made Shade feel like he wasn't any closer to the ground. He rotated in the air uncontrollably at first, but then figured out how to freefall and slow his descent by splaying his arms and legs out.
The fall lasted for what felt like hours; it could have been days, Shade thought later. There was no way to tell time in the Realm Beyond. As he fell, ages could have passed and he would have no way of telling. The time he fell took longer than the time it took to get to the castle of Morgan le Fay; it took longer than his time spent in the presence of Morgan le Fay. He was falling, falling; forever descending towards a green floor that seemed so far away.
Shade thought of the words of Morgan le Fay as he fell. She had told him that, in the Fountain of Fair Fortune, he would find a relic that human hands had never touched.
"It is the Last Pendant," she told him.
"The Last Pendant?" Shade asked. "Another Pendant?"
"Yes," she had answered him. "The one I wore; the Pendant I wore all of my life. It is the only Pendant never worn by any other save me."
"A Magical Pendant?" Shade asked. "I thought there were only four?"
"This one," Morgan had said to him, "Is not in accord with the others, and is more powerful than the four combined because it is not tamable. Only one who possesses its element in the truest form may be worthy to possess it. It will not be held by any other, not even another Pendant Bearer."
"Which Element?" he asked.
"Love," she spoke.
Shade had returned to her a confused look. "Love," he repeated. "So now I have one more thing to do when I get back. Why? What are we supposed to do with it?"
"You will defeat Easter with it, once and for all," Morgan had answered.
Shade blinked his eyes. He had fallen asleep in the midst of his fall, but he found himself lying on strange ground. He had expected to find himself on a grassy lawn surrounded by trees; instead he was on a greenish Naugahyde bench seat. Another bench seat, identical to the one he sat on, was in front of him. His legs stuck out into an aisle that separated the bench seats into two rows. It was a bus. Shade sat up. The bus was old; the seats looked worn and rough. All of the windows were up. The bus was not long; in fact, it reminded Shade of the Caterwauler, the screeching, annoying bus that transported students from the Salem station to Salem Academy that was driven by Charon Styx. Shade had half-expected the bus to be driven by the old, cranky, rude bus driver. But, as Shade squinted his eyes to look at who was driving the bus, he was surprised: No one drove the bus as it made its way. Shade took a second to look outside. The bus was traveling through a thick fog; he could barely see anything outside of the windows of the bus. It was eerie, cold, and nearly frightening.
"You scared, foo?" a voice spoke from behind Shade.
Shade jumped. He hadn't noticed anyone behind him. He turned around and, to his astonishment, saw a person he never expected to see again.
"John?" Shade asked. Sitting two rows behind him, lounged and smirking, was Shade's old friend John Hardstone. Hardstone had been one of Shade's first friends when he arrived from Hogwarts his Third Year. He was tall, handsome, dark-chocolate skinned, with a thin goatee and a devilish grin. He was close to Jinx, Rouge, Rider, and to Shade for a number of years. He had been the wizard protector of the neighborhood of Jamaica Plains, his home, for many years. He acquainted himself with criminals and law enforcement alike, enlisting anyone's skills who would help him protect his home and his neighbors. He was funny, witty, and was never one to skirt an issue; he told the truth as honestly and as easily as he had breathed. He had died valiantly, enabling the escape of Echo, Rouge, and her friends, at the cost of his own life.
Shade found himself staring into the face of his late friend, on a bus, in a place he did not recognize.
"You're dead, right?" Shade asked. "Is this a dream?"
"I know I'm dead, foo," Hardstone replied, "And if you spend your time dreaming of me, I feel sorry for you."
"But- how?" Shade began to ask. "Where are we?"
"Where do you think you are?" Hardstone asked.
"I don't have a clue," Shade answered, "Is this your bus? You drive a bus?"
"I don't drive the bus, foo!" Hardstone responded, offended. "You think I gave my life up for you knuckleheads and worked my butt off all my life just so I could drive a bus in the afterlife? Da hell is you?"
"I don't know!" Shade said, "I was just asking!"
Hardstone shook his head. "What's wrong with you? Thinkin' I'm a bus driver in the afterlife. You trippin', fool."
"Then who's driving the bus? Who steers it?"
Hardstone smirked again. "You do, homey."
"What?" Shade asked. "What do you mean?"
"This ain't no ordinary bus, Shady," Hardstone answered, "This bus follows the desire of your heart. It takes you to where you need to go."
Shade looked outside through the windows of the bus. "Why is it so foggy out there?"
"You can't figure it out for yourself?" Hardstone asked. "It's because you don't know what you want, homey. You're lost. You're stuck in this nasty-lookin' fog 'cuz you ain't got a clear direction. That's why I'm here. I'm here to get yo' mind right; get you back on the main path, homes."
"I know what I want," Shade said, "I want to get back and put a stop to Easter."
"That ain't it, dawg," Hardstone spoke, "That's something you want to do, but that's not what your heart desires."
"Then what is it?" Shade asked. "What am I supposed to be chasing after?"
"I ain't you," Hardstone replied, "You have to figure that out. I'm here to point you there, not carry yo' fat butt to the answer."
"Morgan le Fay said I needed to go back, find the Fountain of Fair Fortune, and get my hands on her Pendant, along with find some herbs in the garden there that will cure me of the Blackwell Toxin."
"Those are objectives, at least," Hardstone said, "But they ain't desires."
"Well, then what? I want to stop Easter! I don't want anyone else to die! I want to get back to the land of the living and save my friends!"
"There you go," Hardstone said with a smirk, "Now you're getting' somewhere."
The fog outside began to lift from around the bus. Shade could see trees appear out of the fog. They were thick, large trees, close by one another. He thought they looked familiar: Evergreen trees.
"The Hall of Evergreens," Shade said, "This is Salem."
The bus pulled out of the Hall of Evergreens and rolled up to the bus circle. It slowed down as Shade took a look at the school. The school proper rose, untouched by battle, clean and yet old in its regality. The sun bore down upon it, basking it in glory and magnificence undimmed by shadow or cruelty.
"Home," Hardstone said, "For me, at least. No matter what happened in the 'hood, Salem was always home to me. Funny, though, that it was never home for you as much as you wish it was."
"What do you mean?" Shade asked. "I always felt welcome at Salem."
"Felt welcome, fo' show," Hardstone commented, "But never really home. Your heart was always somewhere else."
The bus drove back to the Hall of Evergreens. As Salem Academy faded away behind them the trees outside twisted form, from evergreens and coniferous trees to thick, old, knobby deciduous trees. The air darkened and the fog thinned.
"Are we-" Shade stammered, "Are we in the Forbidden Forest?"
Hardstone gave a grin as the bus, driver-less, broke through the line of the Forbidden Forest and out to the open grassy knoll behind the ancient castle of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It rose, glorious and foreboding, magical in every sense.
"Hogwarts," Shade said.
"It was the only place you ever thought was home. You got tossed around from foster home to foster home since you were young. No one ever treated you like family until you to Hogwarts. I get it, dawg. You only spent two years here, but in those two years, things got crazy. The Headmaster died your first year. The next Headmaster died the next year. Some of your classmates got killed. The Dark Lord Voldemort attacked the place personally. The Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore's Army came back and won the big fight. Students got tortured under the wands of some mean-muggin' Death Eaters. Things happened, man. But while all dat was happenin' to y'all kids, y'all started bandin' together, makin' strong bonds because, especially you Gryffs, y'all had nothing else but each other."
Shade nodded his head. He looked out the window and he could see the Great Hall lit up from within. "It was home; you're right."
"That ain't why we're here, though," Hardstone spoke. "The bus didn't bring you here to wax nostalgic. We're here to set yo' mind right, remember?"
Shade looked back at Hardstone with an inquiring look.
"Keep watchin' the scenery, foo," Hardstone told him.
Shade turned as watched as the sky darkened. There were flashes from all around the school. Dark figures, yelling and ruthless, shouted curses and hexes. They attacked the school and its inhabitants. Giants and Acromantulas crept out of the forest and attacked any and all in their paths. Figures on brooms fought with one another like fighter jets in a dogfight. There were screams, laughter, and agony heard every direction.
"What's happening?" Shade asked. "Who's attacking Hogwarts?"
"You tell me," Hardstone said, "You were there."
The bus drove through the madness as wizards, witches, creatures of all sorts, and stone knights battled all around it. The bus appeared to rise to a higher level. It reached a certain height when, out of the opposite side of the bus, Shade could descry two young wizards engaged in a magical duel against several other wizards. The attacking wizards were Death Eaters, the followers of Lord Voldemort. The two young wizards, Shade noticed, were both students of Hogwarts. One was older; he had blonde hair. The second was a young boy; both had the colors of House Gryffindor among their robes.
"That's me," Shade said, "And Colin Creevey."
Hardstone nodded. "Dat's right. Y'all fought like heroes that day. Gotta admit: You were always pretty dang good with them defensive spells; a lot better than me, at least."
"Why are we here?" Shade asked. He saw as the young Shade outside of the bus was struck in the face by a curse. It struck his face and cut him from chin to brow. The young Shade went down. Colin Creevey approached him to check up on him. The older Shade shook his head. "Oh God," he said. He knew what happened next.
A green flash of cruel light erupted from behind Colin. He was struck by it, fell, and moved nevermore.
"Colin!" Shade shouted. "Why are we here? What's the point in showing me this moment?"
"You need to be reminded, man," Hardstone explained. "This is where you got lost. This moment, when your little friend Colin got killed, this is where you got lost."
"What? How?"
"You've been wandering these years lost in a strange fog, homey. You tried your best to fit in at Salem, but I always thought you never really felt comfortable around us. I was right. It's because you never let yourself love anybody."
"What? That ain't true!" Shade protested. "I loved a lot of people!"
"No, you didn't, fool! You wanted to! I know you wanted to but you didn't. You know what you'd do when you were just chillin' after we'd win a Quidditch game? You'd walk out to the Great Woods, or go hang out in the room and stare at either that old coin that you had or the picture of that Colin kid, or you'd go and bug Master Wolf or practice what the Iron Bull taught you. You never just chilled with us. Whenever me, Rouge, and Jinx would play pranks, you always felt guilty. You kept everybody at a distance. What's funny is that, if we asked you to die for one of us and take a curse for us, you would have. But you always acted like the outsider. You never let anyone in, even when you used to come by and chill with me and Anthony back in the Plains. I was the only dude you told that stuff about Colin Creevey to, and even then you held back on me. Everything about you, Shady, boils down to this moment in your life. This is where you were broken. This is where you froze up, fell asleep, and never woke up again."
"What does that have to do with love?" Shade asked.
"Everything, stupid!" Hardstone yelled. "All your life you've been livin' with this guilt; the guilt of not being able to save Colin. You feel like, if only you hadn't stayed behind, he'd be alive, he would have survived. You've been carryin' that guilt with you since that moment. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout, dawg. I know you. I know you better than you know you. You've always been afraid to get close to people, Shade. You never got close enough to let your guard down 'cuz you figured nothin' was permanent and nothing was gonna last, not even people. Your foster parents, your friends, even the school; you knew none of them would last. Even though everybody else loved you, you never loved them the same way back."
"I died for my friends!" Shade yelled. "How can you say that?"
"Is you dead?" Hardstone asked. "I thought you were still alive."
"I sacrificed myself so that they could have a fighting chance!"
"No, I did that," Hardstone retorted, "You took the easy way out. You think you were taking the Pendant of Life out of the equation, but you were wrong, dude. Look how it turned out for you. You could've fought back right then and there. You could have thrown the dang thing into the Veil and gotten rid of it. You could have given it to someone else worthy and been rid of it. There's a thousand other things you could have done with it, but this? This ain't no sacrifice; this is fear."
"Fear?"
"Yeah, man," Hardstone answered, "Fear. That's what's moved you to do everything you've done since that Colin kid got hit with the Killing Curse. Everything you've done has been out of fear, not love. You were afraid for those kids when they got to Salem. You protected them like a little shepherd dog over a flock of sheep because you were afraid of what might happen to them. The fact that they fell in love with you as a mentor and friend was just a byproduct of your sorry ass being afraid all the damn time. You're afraid, foo; afraid to fail, afraid to lose people, afraid to get things wrong and make the wrong choices. You were afraid you were gonna let Easter get his hands on the Pendant of Life, so you did the fearful thing you always do: You ran."
"I stepped through the Veiled Archway to protect everyone!"
"You stepped through the Veiled Archway because you were afraid! Real love is taking a curse for your friends, not turning the wand on yourself."
The Battle of Hogwarts continued around the bus. It drove through the din, the horrors of that night, as it made its way towards the entrance to the school.
"I do love my friends," Shade said, "I really do."
"But your fears overpower your heart's desire, man. You've been all up an' down this mug, becomin' an Auror, all because you were afraid of what happened to you happening to someone else. That ain't love, bro. That's fear. Fear has dictated your game, homey. You need to let go of your fears. Trust in people. You did what you thought no one else would do and you've been taking this whole thing on yourself because you feel like you and only you can do this. You're wrong, dawg. You got friends. You got family. Listen to me, Shade: You got family. You ain't alone. But you can't trust them unless you let your guard down. And you can't let your guard down until you stop being afraid. And guess what? You can't stop being afraid until you forgive yourself."
"Forgive myself?"
"Dat's right, son," Hardstone spoke. "You need to forgive yourself for what happened to Colin Creevey, to Starling, to Professor Silk, to Star Saiorse; forgive yourself to what happened to me. None of it was your fault, and if it was your fault, then get over it. You ain't perfect. You ain't unstoppable, and you ain't all-knowin' an' all dat. You're human. You're a living human being. Accept it. Stop actin' like you da only one that can do this. Stop being an ass and let your guard down. Forgive yourself, fool. You can't love nobody 'til you can love yourself first. How you expect to find a way for your friends if you can't find a way for yourself?"
Shade leaned back in his seat. The bus rumbled on, into a fog once again.
"You won't find forgiveness in the world, Shady, until you find it in yourself. You've been doing these deeds all these years to make up for what happened to Colin. You can't operate like dat, man. You can't love nobody with guilt. You're gonna need to marinate on dat for a while, homey. Take your time. I'll be in the back seat, just chillin'. Do yo' thang, boy."
Hardstone got up and walked to the back of the bus. He sat down in a clump, looking out of the windows. He took out a set of headphones from his coat pocket, put them on, and started to bump his head to whatever music he heard from them. Shade sat, staring out of the bus windows, out into the fog. His thoughts turned to Colin Creevey. He took a deep breath and saw the fog begin to lift. As the fog lifted slowly, he did the only thing his heart could do at that moment.
He wept.