Finding Ford

chapter nine

"Why are you looking at me like I'm a monkey? Oh, sure, you're all saints!" -Stromae, Formidable

 

IT TAKES ME A COUPLE OF SECONDS TO PROCESS Ford's text, but when I do, I almost cry in relief.

Ava: Holy shit holy shit Ford?????

Ava: I swear to God answer me. Are you okay??? Jesus I can't believe you actually replied oh my god i knew you weren't dead i knew it knew it knew it

I wait for two minutes, then five. He doesn't reply, and although the hand holding my phone is literally shaking- no, both my hands, more like my whole body- I don't worry. Because he replied. Unless this is a sick, cruel twisted joke, he replied. Which means he's alive. Somewhere, Ford is living and breathing and blinking and thinking and God I knew it.

I don't know exactly how long I spend on my bed, cross-legged, waiting for Ford's reply. Almost an hour later, I still haven't moved, completely taken over by shock and disbelief. After that begins to subside, though, fear settles in. It's been an hour, and Ford still hasn't replied. Was that really him? Had that text even been real? I check again, and just as before, the text is there in real, put together letters on my phone screen.

Ava: Ford?? Please answer me before I have a heart attack

Another twenty minutes, though, and Ford still doesn't answer. So, this time I dial his number. My heart beats against my chest when his phone starts ringing, but a brick settles in my stomach when it goes straight to voicemail. His phone is on though. What could that mean? I let out a shuddering breath, trying to keep myself under control.

A knock on my door startles me. I say, "Come in," maybe a little too quickly, because the look my mother gives me when she comes in is a little concerned.

"You alright?" she asks me, taking a seat next to me on my bed.  I try to keep myself under control knowing if I say anything out loud, I'll break down crying. I debate for a second telling my mom about Ford, but decide against it.

"I'm okay," I manage.

My mom's not convinced, but doesn't push. "Do you need something?"

For a second I want to tell her yeah, I need her to leave me alone, but stop at the look on her face. She's just worried about me. I give her a small smile, "Tea would be nice."

She kisses the top of my head, "Sure. Dad should be home soon, you should say hi. He's been worried about how distant you've been lately.

"Yeah, sure."

My mother gets the message and with one more kiss on my forehead, gets up to leave. In the span of the next three hours, I only get up to go get my tea and to greet my dad, but besides that, I stay curled up in my room, staring at my phone until it runs out of battery from being on for so long. Then, I get my charger, plug in my phone and stare at it some more.

I give up somewhere around midnight. My eyes are burning from staring at the screen for so long. Eventually, I end up staring at the ceiling, phone still in my hand, waiting for the vibration signalling a text. I'm not even a little bit tired, so when one o'clock rolls around, I'm still waiting for a text.

I get one at 1:34.

Ford: Hi, sorry, I'm here.

I don't bother texting him back- I just call him. It rings once before going to voicemail.

Ford: I can't talk on the phone right now

I stare at the letters on the screen, trying to gather myself together enough to brink my shaking fingers to the screen.