Finding Ford

chapter twenty two

"Does defeat leave a taste in your mouth, one that you could live without?" -You Me At Six, Tigers and Sharks

FORD AND I SIT IN THE SAME SPOT WE SAT THE day Jas had found us weeks ago, limbs dangerously close to dangling off the edge, our fingers brushing as we lay our palms flat against the rock. In my other hand is the note we found in the tissue box, perfectly unwrinkled, just the way I found it. I hold it in my hand, not looking at it but brushing my hand against the paper, rolling scenario over scenario in my head, trying to get a grasp on a possibility, but I come up with nothing.

Ford and I haven't talked about it much. We just kind of stared at the note, before mutually agreeing on just getting away. Once we were at the cliff, we still didn't speak; just held each other's hand and stared out at the view. I don't want to think who would possibly want to kill me. Maybe they didn't, though. After all, why would they leave a note? I shake my head.

Noticing the movement, Ford turns his head to look at me, giving me a small smile. "You okay?"

"Perfect," I sigh. Although it was sarcasm, I still drop my head on his shoulder. There's a moment of silence between us, both of our eyes trained on the horizon, before I speak again, this time in a much softer voice. "Ford? Are you scared?"

"Terrified," Ford admits in a heartbeat. I glance at him and he hesitates before continuing, "I've never been a brave person, Ava. I'm scared of losing my family, you, Jas, or Lucas. I'm scared of pain, of darkness, of danger. I'm scared of dying. It's why I ran."

"Are you scared of losing yourself?" I ask. "Because I am."

Ford shakes his head. "No, I'm not afraid of that. And you shouldn't be either."

I furrow my eyebrows. "But I feel like I already am."

"It's okay," he says. "I'll go with you. We can get lost in each other, it's our best shot at finding ourselves."

x

Ford doesn't reply to my texts for the rest of the day. Neither does Jas.

I'm left alone in my room, flipping through the English homework I really need to get caught up on. I sigh, realizing I'm really not in the mood to study, so I just flip through some old work, trying to find inspiration. There, I find myself looking at the notes I had made on The Mystery of Edwin Drood way before everything went to hell.

I think back to the unfinished ending. For some reason, that gives me the chills. I don't like the idea of that, the same way I don't like the idea of the universe never ending. There has to be an end. Thinking back to how I had told Jas how I though Ford was pulling an 'Edwin Drood' I can't help but feel nervous that this will end the same way the book did; it won't end.

I put away my English. I need to sleep.

x

Ford and Jas still haven't replied to me the next day. I'm starting to get really nervous about Jas; I see her come and go from school, but she never stays for classes, and she never answers calls or texts. Ford, however, hasn't said a peep to me since we talked that night.

Having nothing better to do, I head over to the local library. I've never been to much of an avid reader, but I find myself drifting towards the mystery section. I read the summaries before finally finding a book that seems interesting, and sit down with my back leaning against the shelf, book in my lap as I flip through the pages. Maybe I'll get some sort of idea from them? Either way, it can't hurt. I need to figure out who the killer is, and since everyone is pretty much ignoring me, I'm on my own.