Authour Diary & Tags

ch 1 (ranting)

8/10/20

So this is going to be all over the place. I'm just using Hamilton names instead of their names.

So on Sunday (it's currently Thursday) I was at my friend Jay's (John Jay) house. And Jemmy was also there. Lemme give a brief overview of them

Jay:
• ADHD but never told me
• likes being chased
• the pretty one
• wants attention from guys but she has a bf
• choir kid
• does not support abortion

Jemmy
• the depressed one
• lots of siblings
• expects us to feel bad because she's failing a few classes (I don't) because she doesn't turn homework in
• choir kid
• doesn't support the BLM movement but knows why it's happening and understands it. She's just not one for the violence ig idk
• the makeup one

I'mma be Hamilton cause I ...relate?
• marching band
• mentally more mature than all the hoes at school (not everyone there is actually a hoe)
• is annoyed very easily ig
• somewhat oblivious
• a Democrat surrounded by Republicans
• I wanna go to NYC
• the physcopath one
• also the skinny af one
• also the one that can do your hair better than you can

Additional
•hang out every weekend
• I go to school B days and them A days so we never see each other

Jefferson
•Jays bf
• my ex friend
•apprently he has short term memory loss
•Tr*mp supporter
• very hyper 24/7
• apparently bi polar but I've never seen or heard of him being like that so I'm assuming he's on medication but idrk

Ok so here's my current story

So we hung out at Jays last weekend and Jemmy and Jay were on a group chat. That includes Jay, Jefferson, and Jemmy. So Jemmy and Jay are sitting there, on their phones, texting on a group chat I'm not in, and talking abt the group chat while I'm laying there, shivering, and doing art on my phone cause I legit have nothing else to do. And then Jemmy goes to the bathroom for like 45 mins and Jay texts me like Hey, Jemmy thinks you hate her,      internally I kinda do rn. But like, I can't tell them that. So then I act super friendly with Jemmy the next day.

THEN the next day they like "we should go swimming" WHILE PUTTING ON MAKEUP and I'm like oh ok I forgot my suit at home and so for like 15 mins I'm trying on Jays old suits so I can swim with them even though they putting makeup on and straightening their long hair so that seems pointless to me but I stay quiet,  like always. (seriously I say like 5 words at school) So yeah, I get back and they all "aw Ham you look like you really don't wanna swim" And I'm like "it's whatever. I'll do whatever you guys wanna do"  And then they like "oh well we have like a full face on makeup on" "Oh really I hadn't noticed" (I'm kinda pissed abt it at this point cause now they tried to use ME as an excuse to not swim when I clearly do not care and would appreciate a vacation to NYC (as always) and they laugh and straighten their hair and I'm over here with my should length hair and I legit never straighten my hair so they like oh you should straighten your hair and I'm like ok but like I haven't done it before and I seriously don't wanna burn my scalp so could one of you do it? And they like oh no I'd be too scared. And I'm over here like ugh ok back to my phone art because no one at this house cares and then they like "do you wanna do makeup" And I never wear makeup. The last time I wore it consistently I was v shy and insecure because of my now ex. So yeah. And Jays like, "you can just expirement, that's what I did" And Jemmy, the makeup one is like "oh yeah, you can use my makeup" And me, who only knows how to do eyeshadow one way and is rather insecure and has a ton of acne, is like "nah I'm good" While Jays over there like "3 pimples popped up last night" Meanwhile she has an acne level of 1 and my ass over here like 6. (jemmy is also like a level 1) also I'm like seriously insecure abt my eyebrows and like idk what to do abt that rn cause the electrical cutter thingy is broken and I'm too scared to pluck my eyebrows.

So yeah. I mean, I could try to be more girly, but like I don't wanna change myself for others cause I'm not in the right to do that. But I'm also straightening my hair before school now so ??? I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty and acting on it, right?       And like they're probably closer than I am with them and like they still compliment my difference from them, art. I just don't really know what to do. Like, yeah I don't think I could actually live without being friends with Jay. But also I hate Jefferson and now he's coming to my youth group on Sunday and him and Jay will hang out and I... I don't want people steeling Jay from me, but if all this is happening, and she knows I don't actually approve of them, is she really that great of a friend?

Also ig my mom is leaning toward Tr*mp so guess who will be playing Chapter 319 on full blast every day till the election😏😏😏

Expect updates on this at the most random times.

Thank you all for reading my random shit have some cookies for your bravery🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪