𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 , choen

green

from chase's pov, i don't like 1st pov that much but i'm willing to make an exception for this...also noen && abby are dating in this just for dramatic effect >:)

this was inspired from an ao3 fic and written last year if you are the author of that fic tell me to take this down and i will <3

song; green - cavetown

i won't say anything other than, i'm proud.

because really i am, you found something that people spend their whole lives searching for at the what? the mere age of eighteen? who wouldn't be fucking proud?

you truly have something so beautiful even if you yourself can't admit it. i can see it in the way you look at her. how it almost makes me feel like i'm interrupting something.

yes, it hurts seeing you with someone else. it hurts knowing that i'm not the one making you this happy but it's okay. after all, i'm not much more than a stupid guy with stupidness.

but as long as i get to see that beaming smile of yours on your face i'll be just fine.

it sucks that i never got to tell you everything, like how much i love when your face quirks up every time your coffee hits just right, or how cute your obsession with cough candies was (minus the watermelon ones of course, those always made you barf) , most of all how much i loved that green sweater that you practically lived in.

sometimes i like to think that maybe there's some way too deep meaning as to why you love it so much. green, such a safe, harmonious color. maybe you love it because you didn't have that safety and harmony when you were younger, and now you wrap yourself in it as much as you wished you could back then. yeah, you're definitely green if i've ever seen it.

but what about her? what's a color that goes good with green? what's that eyeshadow that she wears all the time.... blue, the color of serenity, and wisdom. because just a distant glance at her can make all your troubles wash away like the ocean, huh.

is there a color that clashes completely with green though? not to be dramatic or anything, but that would probably be me. such an eyesore of a combination, it wouldn't make sense because really me and you wouldn't make sense anyway.

just because well, you're so perfect, and angelic, and fuck, you're practically god. but me, well i'm nothing short of a goddamn train wreck.

and now things are changing, or have changed already. you're spending more time on other things and with her. which is completely fine, i get that you can't just piggyback off of me your whole life. even if i kinda miss it.

so i hope you don't forget that I'm still here, watching your back even as the distance between me and you seems ever-growing... even more, as the months seems to gravitate the distance apart from us. as it slowly and smoothly rips apart at the seams, i'll still think about you and i'll still watch your back from afar.

because maybe you're doing the same although i really wish you wouldn't. me, i can handle this kind of pain, i can do it. you on the other hand, i wouldn't wish this kind of feeling on anyone and least of all you.

but you have something i don't have, blue.

blue and green, so aesthetically pleasing. so meant for each other. it almost makes me want to scream because of how perfect you guys are.

blue and green will always look this good. will always be this happy, so stuck in a euphoric state of mind and oblivious to anything else.

i hope one day, that i too will have my own blue, my own serenity. since i'll never be able to have green, the safety that i really want.

i'll always remember the first time you brought her up, the first time you started to carry her around with you in your life, she became a part of you and you were a part of her.

i don't think i'll ever be able to say it enough, but it's fucking beautiful. it was like watching asmr, so satisfying and perfect how you guys came to be.

but at that time, i was also hurt. hurt, because at that time i didn't know why you needed her. i didn't know you'd ever think you needed more than me. i was angry, lost, and i didn't know how to deal with such emotions.

so i cut you off.

and i'm sorry. sorry that the number of times i want to say it hasn't been invented yet. sorry that i was so selfish thinking that it would solve all my problems.

it doesn't really matter enough to say it now though, because now there are even more problems than there were in the first damn place.

but i know you, i knew you'd try to reach out and make things right. because it always bothered you when you couldn't. i knew that so i let it work for a while, and it's funny because now it seems like you don't care too much anymore.

and now you know that not everything will work out, which is an important lesson on it's own. i'm just sorry you had to learn like this.

i'm also sorry for myself, what's new there? sorry that i didn't even know i had feelings only until after i had dug ourselves a rabbit hole of complications.

i really wish i could redo everything, trust me. maybe i'd finally learn how to deal with all these feelings in the right way. who knows? maybe i'd be your blue.

but none of that matters now. because really, nothing matters as long as you're happy.

and even though now i can only see the smile through videos, photos, and whatnot, it doesn't make any less of a difference to me.

i miss you, and I'm grateful for the tiktoks and everything we made together, because at least i'll always have physical reminders of what we were then. of how things used to be so much better.

so yeah, i may not be in your life anymore. or at least as much as i can't be since it's fucking la and we're always technically always about three people away from each other, i'm grateful that I met you, even if I didn't say it as much as I should have. If it weren't for you I wouldn't be where I am today and we both know that.

thank you. i love you

-AUTHOR SPEAKS
this was kinda inspired by another oneshot on ao3 i can't remember the name though (still kinda a newbie to ao3) but yeah i hate 1st pov but i think it worked beautifully here :)