Blinded By Pain

Dancing With Shadows

  Another week had passed since Tubbos death, but yet any mention of him to Tommy would send a flare of emotion through his eyes and hecontinued to claim of his best friend still being alive. Tommy still had regular streams but now the news had been told to the world. Some people called him a bad person for acting as if his friend wasn't dead, like Tubbo had simply been away or busy. Still Tommy didn't relent with his insisting. In his mind all was fine. They couldn't understand. He pushed away any sort of thought that maybe Tubbo really was dead. No. He must not doubt himself. It was simply some long sick prank.

  That didn't stop him from picturing it.

  Though in his pictured mine he viewed from the eyes of the killer. Felt the satisfaction as the blade sank through the boys back and pierced out his chest. As the light faded from his eyes and he fell over dead. It was vivid in Tommy's mind, but the satisfaction he felt in this seeming fever dream was mixed with something else. Fear. Horror. But why?

  It had played so many times in his head, the same scene over and over. Then he reminded himself with a small smile. Tubbo couldn't be dead. Sweet Tubbo, playing with bees and joking around with the group, innocent. So, so innocent.

  The date of Tubbos funeral was approaching but Tommy had already sworn he wouldn't go. It would be wrong to mourn someone who wasn't dead, and Tubbo wasn't dead. Right? Though one morning as he hopped onto Minecraft he found his friends waiting at his spawn. A simple message was typed into chat.

Dream: Vc please.
WilburSoot: ^^^
The_Eret: ^

  With a slight raise of an eyebrow he complied, joining a voice channel.At first the group was silent, all of them thinking of how to approach the situation. Some minutes passed in an awkward silence before Dream spoke up. "Tommy... we've all noticed how you keep claiming Tubbos alive, but we've seen him with our own eyes. You can't keep denying it." Dreams voice was soft with concern and a bit of pity.

  It was like talking to a brick wall. All he got in return was a "He's still alive." From Tommy, though a new tone of desperation edged the boys words. A small sigh rose from someone in the call.

  "Tommy-" Eret moved to speak but was cut of rather quickly by Tommy, his tone flat, indicating he could not be convinced otherwise. "Tubbo is not dead. That's all there is to it."

  Another voice spoke in the call, this time being Wilbur. "This isn't healthy... you shouldn't keep denying his death Tommy." But still, the boy could not be reasoned with, his mind clouded and his thoughts muddled with grief and other emotions that he didn't recognize at the moment. Stronger platonic love maybe? He truly didn't know.

Tommy fell silent for a few moments. When he did speak again it was only for a quick "Bye" Then he left the call ignoring the others protests and asking for him to come back. He logged out of Minecraft as well and went to sit on his bed. He drew his knees up, close to his chest and held them there with his arms. Blue eyes stared blankly at the wall for along while, before tears began to slide down his face. Initially he didn't realize it, until he looked down to see the tears dampening his arms and jeans which were still pulled close to him. Breaths entered him only to be stolen away quickly, and he still wasn't sure why he was crying.Tubbo was fine right. He had to be. Precious Tubbo, who would dare to harm him or anyone really. Tubbo was still alive. Tommy had to believe it, but if he believed it, why was he still crying?

-Minor Time Skip-

  The next morning Tommy woke up sore, his body had been pressed tightly together as he slept, curled around himself. For a few moments he had been confused, crystalline eyes fuzzy with morning grogginess.Then memories came flooding back, racing through his mind. A silent breath of air left him, and he moved to go get changed into fresh clothes.

  When he had finished changing -into a classic red and white shirt and blue jeans- he began to go downstairs to the kitchen to eat a small breakfast, though his stomach churned with apprehension. Yet he seemingly couldn't figure out why. Or he was denying why. Shaking away the thought he pushed away the bowl of cereal that sat on the table in front of him. Feeling restless once more he stood, pacing in small circles, his thoughts swimming like his movements; in circles, and they kept returning again and again to the same person, same thought. Tubbo.

  Tossing his head in frustration he moved towards his dogs, stopping to grab their leashes. He clipped one first to Betty than to Walter, giving a small tug to signal they were going out. He quickly called out to his mother to tell her that he was walking the dogs before moving to the door.

  His hand rested briefly on the door knob before he turned it sharply and exited his house. Tommy allowed himself a moment to pause and breathe, the refreshing air entering his lungs. As his dogs grew impatient he was forced to start moving, his legs breaking into long strides.

  Pausing, Tommy stood rigid. A shadow danced at the edge of his vision, taunting him. Obviously he jerked his head towards it, but it wasno longer there, but it was. It moved to his other eye, but he couldn't see it directly, instead it was a constant throughout his walk, shadows messing with him, daring him to try and look before they vanished.

  Alas he could never catch them. The shadows were apparently witty, lurking there, but not at the same time. Hiding among his peripheral vision.
  Growing slightly paranoid, he sped into a jog, then a full out sprint, his dogs eagerly running at his sides.
  Breaths left him in huffs as he ran, his mouth open to inhale more air before leaving in gasps. As he finally reached his house he forced himself to slow, as not to alarm his family, pulling up the door gasping. Once more he paused with his hand on the doorknob, but this time he was on the other side of the door. Forcing his panicked breaths to slow he focused on his breathing.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Calm.

When he was sure that his rapid breaths were normal he turned the knob, walking into the house. Calling out a greeting to his mom he entered his room after unleashing the dogs. Sitting on his bed he pulled his legs up to his chest once more.

  Now his breaths came slowly, drawn out as he stared at the wall, seemingly memorized by the blue so light it almost looked white. Tommy's thoughts moved so fast yet so sickly slow, as if attempting to rush free while being submerged in honey. This time no tears came, but nonetheless his head ached as if wrenched with pain, but what was there to be pained about? Tubbo was well. He had to believe it or all was lost, but as the days passed, Tommys shell of denial was slowly cracking.
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That was chapter two! 1240 words! I didn't count the characters this time. Genuinely didn't keep track of that was more than last time or not, and I'm too lazy to look, but yeah! Feel free to leave a comment of criticism, I'm constantly trying to better my writing!