Something changed | Merluca

Part 7

Two days. Two days since she left Andrew without an explanation at his apartment. Two days since her fear has taken over. And, really, why did this kiss scare her so much. It’s not like she didn’t see it coming. It’s not like she could pretend she didn’t want this to happen. If anything, it was all she wanted to happen. But, maybe, that was the problem. Maybe that was what scared her. Because it wasn’t just a simple kiss. It meant something to her. It made her feel something. And that was what really scared her. She knew from experience, that with love often also came loss. And this, whatever it was, was on its way to become much more than just an innocent crush.

At least the teasing of her sisters would make more sense now, since now something actually did happen. But she would keep that to herself for now, and let them believe whatever they think already happened, happened. Speaking of her sisters, she saw how Amelia just walked up towards her.

“Hey. So, how was your evening?” Amelia asked with a smirk.

“I- it was fine.” Yes, she definitely would keep that to herself for now, seeing Amelia already not even trying to hide her amusement behind that smirk. She really didn’t need their advice right now. She wanted to figure this out herself.

“Fine?” Amelia raised an eyebrow.

“Did you want anything else?” Meredith tried to ignore her.

“Yes. Can I have your interns for the day?”

“Why?” Meredith was confused “I mean yes, but why?”

“I have a patient. Tumor. She might lose her ability to walk, and she wanted to dance one more time, before surgery. Schmitt wanted to organize a small dance floor, with some music in the cafeteria. And he could use the help of some interns.”

“So, we’re doing dances in the cafeteria again?” Meredith asked a bit amused, thinking about the time, they were interns and the ones who would organize such things.

“Seems like it.” Amelia was about to walk away, before she turned around one more time. “Also, they told me that everyone is welcome to dance there this evening. DeLuca is going to be there, too. He’s assisting on the case.” She winked at her.

Meredith rolled her eyes at the implication. She really had to figure out herself and the situation she had brought them into, before she could even consider that. Not to mention that it meant that everyone at the hospital would know about them after such an action, where she hasn’t even decided yet, if she wanted to try to give this a chance. No, she wouldn’t go there, maybe taking a look to see for what she let her interns off her service all day, but she wouldn’t stay long.

…

After lunch she went to one of the exam rooms. She wanted to take a look at the scans of her patient one more time, before operating. Just as she went inside, she noticed another person in there. When she looked up she saw Andrew and his sister, and in that moment it was already too late for her to retrieve herself from that situation and to go to another scan room without being too obvious.

She tried to act professional and greeted them, ignoring the questioning gaze from Andrew, before taking a look at her scans. Hardly being able to focus on her task, knowing exactly that Andrew was looking at her. Why did things always have to be so complicated? She already knew the answer to that one.

After a few more moments that felt awkward, at least to her, she took her scans to leave the room again.

“Dr. Grey? Do you have a minute.” She stopped in her tracks, when she heard Andrew's voice. She heard the underlying familiarity in his voice, while his words remained completely professional. And she knew, the only reason why he wasn’t more direct was probably because of his sister still being in the room with them.

He was right to ask. She was the one running away without an explanation. And she didn’t know where to even start to explain what was going on inside her. She wanted this so badly, but an equal amount of her told her to run, because the thought of allowing all these feelings that this kiss awakened in her, scared her.

“I have a surgery now.” She wasn’t fair to him. And she knew it.

…

She made her way to the cafeteria, as she had told herself, she would only take a look at what was happening in there. And, just like she said, she only wanted to see what her interns were doing all day. She definitely didn’t came to maybe meet Andrew here. Because why would he be there, he was just on Amelia’s service, who organized this whole party.

She didn’t expect the mass of people dancing, and even more standing around enjoying the atmosphere.

As she let her gaze wander around looking at all the doctors and patients there, she saw that Andrew was standing a few people away from her, staring right at her. She kept his gaze for a moment, before it got too intense and she felt the urge to flee again. Part of her wanted to see him, and yet, it was also the thing that made her fear grow again. His intense stare, silently asking her what was going on, what happened.

She almost reached the door, already away from the crowd, when she felt someone taking her wrist. Insistent, but gently.

“Meredith, wait.” She heard his voice. It was soft, almost begging her to not walk away again. His hand gently sliding down from her wrist, taking her hand.

When she turned around she saw Andrew looking at her, his question written all over his face.

“Are you okay? Did I do something that…“ She hated that she made him feel like he was the one who did something wrong. When it was her who had run away, who had left him behind.

When did all of this happen. One moment he was a resident eating too many weed cookies, lying on her couch, and then the next moment he was the one making her feel all these things again… Making her feel more and more with every small moment they spent together. Turning something she had talked herself into was only a crush into something that absolutely scared her.

It took her a moment before she found her words again. She looked down at his hand still holding hers, feeling the warmth of his touch, before meeting his eyes.

“Not here.” She whispered, realizing that they were still in the cafeteria, even though they were a few feet away from the rest of the crowd.

They went outside, walking down the hallway, into an empty on-call room. Once they closed the door they faced each other, both with their sides to the wall.

“Meredith, I didn’t-“ Andrew started again.

“No.” She interrupted him forcefully. “No.” She repeated a bit softer. She wanted him to know that it wasn’t his fault.

She needed a moment to bring up the courage to tell him what made her run away. She took a deep breath, and then looked up at him “I- I got scared.” She, felt how tears formed in her eyes from the emotions she was feeling. She slightly turned her head upwards, determined to not let them fall out.

Andrew was looking at her expectantly, hoping for her to elaborate what made her so scared that she felt the need to run away from him. She saw how he wanted to say something and then decided otherwise, giving her time to find her words.

“I like you, Andrew. And- that scares me.” She felt how a single tear rolled down her cheek, when she finally, honestly admitted to herself what she was feeling. He looked at her as if he wanted to know more, but he must have noticed that it already took her a lot to confess this.

And instead she saw Andrew carefully reaching out, feeling his thump caressing her cheek, wiping away the tear that had fallen out. He was looking at her, something like… admiration in his eyes. Which once again overwhelmed her, only this time she stayed.

“We can take this slow.” He whispered.

Meredith let herself relax a little, leaning against his hand, that was still resting on her neck, closing her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling of his touch just focusing on her breathing. She felt how his other hand found her arm, gently grazing over it, making her open her eyes. He was still looking at her the way he did more often lately, and after a moment she felt herself leaning in a little closer again.

“Are you sure?”

She gave him a nod in response, before their lips met again. This time she let him deepen the kiss a little more, losing herself in the feeling of his lips on hers, of him being so close, of the warmth she felt from him.

…

Meredith didn’t know how she ended up on his lap on one of the beds in the room, but she didn’t want to complain about how he made her feel while kissing. Never pushing her too much; one of his hands lying gently on her neck, just keeping her close. The other grazing over her arm, sometimes putting some hair back in its place, that was covering her face, sometimes grazing down her shoulder, stopping on her back. He was carefully letting her decide, deepening the kiss only as much as she let him.

Andrew was kissing down her jawline, holding her close in his arms, when she allowed herself to let go in the feeling more and more, tilting her head slightly to give him more space… when, suddenly, the door swung open.

“Cosa state facendo?” (What are you doing) They heard Carina, shocked when she saw them together.

“I could ask you the same.” Andrew answered surprised himself, but with the same fierce in his voice, that Carina had just seconds ago.

Carina was looking at them for a long moment, before she spoke again “Incredibile.” (Unbelievable) It was an odd combination, the amusement on her face and the forceful disbelief in her voice.

Meredith felt rather uncomfortable and embarrassed by the situation; still being in Andrew’s lap she tried to actively avoid Carina’s and Andrew’s gaze.

Carina was not even fully out the door, when Andrew already put a strand of hair back behind her ear, that had fallen in front of her face; which she had accepted thankfully to hide behind.

“Hey.” His hand travelled down her shoulder, resting on her back. “You okay?” he asked her softly, noticing her discomfort.

“Yeah.” She gave him a small smile, slowly feeling more comfortable with the situation again. “She seemed… angry?”

“She will get over it.” Andrew returned her smile. Which made Meredith chuckle slightly.

“Are you sure?” She asked a bit disbelieving, still having the image of Carina's shocked impression in front of her eyes.

“Yes, she is who she is.” Andrew assured her, letting her know that his sister will be okay with them.

“Okay.” She answered whispering.

Andrew then helped her up, as they silently came to the decision that they didn’t want to risk someone else walking in on them. Even though the chances were small, since most of the doctors were in the cafeteria. But one person was already too many for the night.

Andrew was still gently holding her arm when they were both standing again. She gave him a smile, before she was about to slowly get to the door, when she felt him take her hand again, making her turn around.

“Come with me tonight?”