「 untold feelings 」━━━ sakuatsu

─ seventeen

Sakusa had never made such efforts for anyone.

He sighed. Standing in the middle of an old alley, wooden door and yellowish walls covered in dirt and framing the godforsaken building of the students' cheap rooms, he would have given anything to leave this hellhole. He raised a doubtful hand, but finally knocked at the door gently.

"Atsumu," said Sakusa as it opened, revealing his ex-partner almost wincing.

His mere sight had earned a frown from the older man, showily painting anger and aversion on his face. But Sakusa was somehow just glad he didn't shut the door at his face.

"The name's Miya," spat the setter. He stepped back into his empty room and dove his blond head into the stacks of boxes. "I'd like to know what makes ya disturb me when I'm packin' up my stuff, Sakusa."

His tone was sharp, resolved and colder than it had ever been. Sakusa wondered where his usual cocky smile and contemptuous gaze had gone, but realized only now how beautiful seriousness looked on his face.

"Bokuto wasn't lying then," noticed the ravenette, eyes wandering in between the piles of clothes and the young man, "You're leaving for real."

Atsumu turned back to his visitor, dainty lips curled in a faint smile. It was pretty, strangely natural, and for a second it even looked genuine. Sakusa's pupils flickered in between his soft features and his messy surroundings, but his attention seemed only captured by the look on the young man's face. His heart thumped in his chest.

He was mesmerized.

"Y'know, I'm pretty touched you came back to say goodbye," said Atsumu, neatly folding his volleyball jersey.

He smiled, fakely. Awfully bad liar. Sakusa had added this to the list of his countless flaws when they had gotten to know each other more.

"I—"

"It's been a few months I was plannin' to move back home," Atsumu cut him off, "And actually, you were the one who kept me from doin' it. Funny ya didn't even know, right?"

Sakusa's chest felt tight. A silence settled. He took a small step inside, noticing the way Atsumu flinched at the sight of his ex-partner barely approaching him. Sakusa sighed, feeling guilty. That night he had lost control over himself should've been really, really fucking tough for him.

"Atsumu, listen to me." composedly said the younger man, though he could hear his own voice trembling.

"Why should I?" asked the setter, raising his eyebrows and chin, facing Sakusa boldly, a hateful flame igniting his pupils and hiding a faint hint of fear.

"Because I'm sorry about everything." the younger man blurted out.

A cold silence followed his words, freezing the fire of Atsumu's rage. The latter clenched his jaw, opened his mouth, but Sakusa was faster to speak.

"I'm aware that what I've done is unforgivable. But I wanted you to know that I regret every one of my actions," he said, biting his inner lip. "From the time I first kissed you to the one I hurt you. Words won't fix anything, but the least I can do is apologize. I've been a control freak."

Another short silence settled, but this time Atsumu hastened to break it.

"A fuckin' control freak," he laughed, picking up his volley ball from the floor in order to put it inside his bag. "I think you're also aware that I can't accept your apologies, but anyways, thanks for checking on me. If that'd make ya feel any better, I'm recovering well. Almost no trace of bruises anymore."