Banana Peel Called Destiny

Osamu blinks. Once. Twice. Trice. He directs his gaze to the ceiling and wonders what on earth did he do during his past life to deserve this kind of punishment.

"That's it!" Atsumu, his twin – also known as Osamu's greatest punishment – slams his fists against the counter, gaining the attention of maybe half of the people on the bar, ''I'm done datin'!"

Osamu looks over the setter's shoulder and mouths a ' Just got dumped. Sorry ' to the group of girls sitting beside his brother (one of them whispering a ' that's Miya Atsumu from the MSBY BJ, right?' ) before flashing them a smile, making everyone go kyaa !

He returns his gaze to his twin and sighs heavily, Okaa-san, 'Tsumu's bein' a pain in the ass again, he brings his head to his hands, massaging the temples with his thumbs, "Ya. Always. Say. That," he said, gritting his teeth, emphasizing each word, "and then proceed to not do that, like a scrub." He reached for the bottle of beer in front of him and chugged the whole thing.

"No, no, I mean it this time, 'Samu," The setter said, his forehead still pressed against the counter, "'m done datin' for real! 'm finally ready to settle down!"

"Ya?" Osamu leaned back and looked at his brother from head to toe, "Settle down?" he wheezed, slapping the counter with his hand. If there's one thing Osamu knows in this world that will never , ever , go well together, it's his brother and the idea of settling down with someone, who will even want to settle down with someone like 'Tsumu? He's a pain in the ass. He shakes his head, "I don't believe ya."

"Well, ya should," Atsumu insists, "'cause 'm tellin' ya, 'Samu, whoever I date next will be my wife! Or husband! I don't care!" He bangs his fists against the counter again, earning himself an unimpressed look from the bartender, "I'll let destiny decide!"

Osamu gives the bartender an apologetic wave, maybe he'll just leave him an extra tip later, "And, now yer talkin' 'bout destiny," he snorts, fighting the urge to take a video of his drunk ass brother talking about something that doesn't exist so he can laugh at him with Suna and Ginjima later, "Destiny ain't real, 'Tsumu."

The setter quickly whips his head to look at his brother straight in the eyes, scandalized. He gasps, a little too overdramatically, "Ya take that back, sire!" he puts a hand over his chest while his other hand points towards his twin, accusingly, "How dare ya say destiny ain't real!" he leans forward, taking his face close to his brother's face, as if he's about to report the biggest news of the century, "That's exactly why yer single , ya scrub!"

Osamu gave Atsumu a light (Translation: not light) backhanded slap across his stupi- ridiculously handsome face (he almost forgot that they have the same face), "I'm single because I choose to be single," Osamu said, rubbing the back of his right hand, "not because 'm waitin' for 'destiny'" he said, air quoting "to do somethin'"

"Whatever ya say, I hope ya enjoy singlehood forever" Atsumu rolled his eyes (his hand rubbing his right cheek where an imprint of the back of Osamu's hand is now clearly visible), " now , let's proceed with our little experiment before I tell okaa-san ya hurt his favorite child, shall we?"

Osamu groans, Okaa-san, 'Tsumu's 'bout to do something stupid that'll hurt him again, "'m tellin ya, 'Tsumu, yer just gonna hurt yerself."

"Nonsense!" Atsumu exclaimed, "Hey, 'Samu, wanna make things a little more interestin'?"

"A little more?" Osamu whined, "'m not even interested in this stupid experiment of yers in the first place!" Osamu brings his head to his hands. He just wants to go home and lay on his soft , comfy bed far from the devil incarnate that is Miya Atsumu, and then maybe, just maybe, sleep for 24 hours straight. That's what ya call a light coma, Osamu-kun, and that's not good, he can almost hear their old captain Kita say. He sighs.