Don't Hold Your Breath

Chapter 14

My head fell into my hand and I had to gripped the phone tightly in the other to keep it from shaking. I couldn't believe this, there was an odd ringing sound in my ear and my breathing suddenly felt too fast. With Jeremy's obsession with strength and control, his role made perfect sense; but the kid in me that still adored my older brother was trying to reject the information.

"It's alright Indigo, I'm going to find you."

I was only vaguely aware of Zeke's voice trying to reassure me. Not quite sure how to deal with any of this, my body kicked into its normal patterns and I felt my emotions shutting down. Without saying another word, I disconnected the call and dropped the phone back into my bag.

At first when the drive took longer than I had expected I began to question whether he was driving us all the way to Oakland. But about an hour later, the car seemed to slow into a stop. When Dex opened the door, I had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the blinding light. We were in front of a house that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by farmland. I looked over at Dex a little unsure, but he simply held out a hand to help me out of the car.

"Gray wanted to see you alone." He told me, nodding towards the door. I stared at him for a moment before my eyes flickered to the door. "It's alright!" he encouraged, giving me a little nudge.

I felt trepidation wrack through me as I opened the door of the ranch style house. My brain was going a mile a minute trying to process everything and my body was still shaking. The house looked perfectly normal as I entered into the main room. There were some pictures on the wall above a fireplace, some bookcases, and a staircase leading up to a second floor. As I walked further into the room closer to where the bookshelves were, a man with black hair, a short-trimmed beard, and startingly blue eyes set in a tan face stepped around the corner.

"Indigo?" he said, a small smile on his face.

I stopped breathing when he came into view. It had been ten years and Dex was right, that length of time had no bearing at all in my ability to recognize him. My brain flashed back momentarily to the last time I had seen him, when he had kissed me on the forehead before leaving me. I didn't know what to do, what to say. I could only stand there staring at him like an idiot. He seemed to be waiting for me to speak first. After a moment of staring each other down, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"How could you?"

He didn't seem surprised that it was the first thing I said. His smile just turned a little sad.

"Why did you do it?" I couldn't help myself from adding.

"It was an accident." He said. "Don't get me wrong, it was entirely my fault, but I didn't mean for the fire to happen. Dad was pissing me off and I knocked him out without thinking. Mom was so startled, she stumbled backwards and tripped over the rug they kept in the living room and hit her head against the ground. She knocked over the dining table with a candle on it and started the fire."

I blinked slightly, trying to process this information that completely changed what I had known about the situation. "But there was an accelerant. The cops said something made the fire worse."

"We were by the fireplace." Jeremy nodded. "Dad used to keep a small bottle of fire accelerant by it to help get the fire going."

I still didn't understand, none of this made sense. "Then it was an accident. You could have saved them!"

"I know." He said simply, almost patiently. "But I didn't."

"But you still saved me." I felt so confused. I knew his relationship with my parents had been bad, but if he hadn't left them there to die, we could have stayed together.