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Nine

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Today is holiday, so we stay at home all today. I already did laundry and clean the house so I decided to rearrange my things since I have some parcels that I forgot to open before.

As I organize my novels, something fell from a book.

It was a picture of me and my ex boyfriend.

In the photograph, I’m smiling, but my memories from that day were far from happy.

This made me realized how much we didn’t know and can’t predict about our fate. Like all other people, I once too believed in forever.

This is how life is; people come and go, some left scars , but I don’t regret meeting anyone.

Every person that I have met, our times together, the happy moments, the struggles and the efforts we gave were all the things that build me to who I am today.

I’ve been in a few relationships but none end well. I mean, you may think “of course if it ends, it couldn’t possibly end happily”.

But hey some people end their relationships well too.

Some decided they just weren’t meant for each other to be a romantic couple but work out well as friends. I could never understand those people, don’t they feel awkward or anything? But I guess it’s all great as long as they’re cool with each other.

None of my exes wanted to be friends again, well I myself wouldn’t want it too even if they wanted to, so good for me I guess.

I had my first boyfriend when I was in high school. He was my classmate, he was pretty tall and adorable, I liked him too and I was happy.

He was like a puppy who always followed me around. Ren would always get mad whenever the guy interrupt us or took me away from him.

He was the one who confessed to me and yet he’s also the one who suggest we should break up. I was so confused as to why he suggested that. I asked why but he didn’t gave me proper explanation.

The next week he got a girlfriend, from our class, yes you heard me right, Imagine how awkward it was for me.

I cried that night. It wasn’t even a week and yet he already got himself a new lover.

Had he always been talking to her behind my back?

Is that why he suggest we break up?

Because he realized he liked her more than boring me?

If that’s the case then why can’t he just tell me so. He could have just be honest about it, he didn’t have to hurt me this way. 

As they say, first love is hard to forget. I don’t have regrets, I loved every minute I had spent with him, but I made my mind that If I ever get in a relationship again it won’t be my classmate anymore.

Well I kept my words, the second time I dated, he was my senior. But that didn’t end well too.

I was always very much in love and happy whilst in the relationship but gets hurt pretty badly after every breakups. Maybe I’m not that interesting nor attractive. Maybe I’m not loveable. Just like that, other few more relationships ended.

Why am I so unlucky with Love!?

And yet even after all the scolding I’ve received from Ren, I still haven’t learned my lessons it seems. I pretty much still look for love.

Is it wrong to long for love?

Is it wrong to wish and dream all the happy things that could happen with your loved one?

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A knock on my door pulled me back. And just like that, time goes by as I recalled memories of my old love.

‘Are you busy…? What happened!?’
Mr Yin raised his voice of concern and I was so confused.

‘What?’

‘Why are you crying? Are you hurt somewhere?’

His eyes were full of concern as he grabbed both my cheeks softly.

Just then I realized I had been crying. My tears must have fallen unconsciously.

‘It’s nothing, it’s okay’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes yes. Were you searching for me? Need any help?’

‘No. yes. No’

‘huh?’

‘I mean, Yes I’m searching for you. But I’m trying to ask if YOU need any help.’

‘Ohh nah thank you, I can handle it, it’s not much’

‘Okay..’ I can see that he still looked unsure and eyes still full of concern.

The fact that we get along well and that we get close day by day makes me happy so much.

He’s still expressionless most of the time, he rarely talk nor laugh, but I feel like we’re not distant much anymore.

‘I’m Okay. Come on let’s go. I’ll make us lunch’

‘ ‘kay’

I encourage myself not to spoil my mood nor sadden my present self with sad past.

What matter is the present and that those old loves might not be The One.

Maybe fate have yet someone reserved especially for me, and I’ll meet that person on the right time.

I hope with all my heart that If I meet that person, I hope we’ll love forever and never let each other go.

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